I was sitting here at the computer watching the minutes tick by. There are so many ideas floating around my head for possible settings and characters for the narrative I plan on writing that it’s taking a lot out of me to just organize those thoughts together into a coherent idea.
Surfing through the net I came across a line that spoke to me. Considering the amount of time I’ve spent that I would consider to be wasteful lately it really spoke to me.
“Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life” Seneca
How much time have we all spent wasted on useless endeavours? I moved to this town to lose weight, get my career on track, and essentially shed myself of the guilt that plagued my mind since Elaine passed away.
Why do we put things off? Procrastination is such an overwhelming tendency that is hard to shake once you’ve been doing it so long. When I should be sorting out my gym membership and working on my writing I’ve spent my time gallivanting around aimlessly with the free time that I had.
I made very childish mistake of putting the important things on the back burner in lieu of leisure and irrelevant things.
Am I saying that I will not be having any more fun until I’ve met all my goals? Oh god no, the human psyche needs to have entertainment. I’m just saying that I’ve put too much of that too high in my priorities. I’ve written before about the Strain Of Leisure, well now I’m beginning to feel it’s burden.
Why do we do this though? In a lot of the cases I’ve experienced and heard about people become their own worst enemy. There is no bigger obstacle to the development of a person than their own meandering thought processes… the lack of initiative to go out executing the plans you make.
In two years I think I’ve had well over a dozen “Day Ones” in my life, I’ve even had three different attempts at starting a separate offshoot blog of “The World Is Broken” to monitor and track my progress towards meeting these goals. So that in the end I’ll have an amazing keepsake and record of where I was vs where I ended up.
And yet here I sit… I’m stagnant in the same position I was months ago. I’ve made strides lately. Finding work helped, I have my own place, and I’ve made it impossible to use my credit card so debt will not grow… I’ve even taken steps lately to start reducing my needless spending and consumption.
But this time.. am I really ready. I have said this a lot in my day… this time it does feel different. I feel like I’m actually in a mental and physical place where I am going to pull this off.. Maybe this is why it’s been so long between the end of last season and the beginning of this one… maybe I needed to be ready and this season is going to be the transitional one… Finally.
I guess you guys can just wait and see. Hopefully 6 months from now I’ll be able to boast some results and 12 months from now I’ll be linking you all to the blog that’ll show how I got where I ended up.
It’s time to treat every day as though it were a new life… free from the mistakes and the sins of my past, and bursting with a limitless potential for the future.
Wish me Luck.