The Absolute Worst Aspect of Writing

Alright so I understand I’m still an aspiring author in every sense of the word.  I’ve adopted the mentality where I know I must act the part I hope to play, so I try not to make a lot of self-deprecating jokes regarding my progress.  This is more pertinent as an attempt to stay away from the deep self-reflecting – dare I say, emo – posts of the past.

Heroin X-X
Heroin X-X

I have an idea for an update where I was going to share the changes I’ve made in my tentative release schedule.  I don’t think Seth’s Novel or Dean’s will be among the first releases – depending on how Percy Jane shapes up.

To get to the whole point of this – and I apologize to those tired of hearing me be a little negative about things – I’ve been failing.  Failing so hard recently.  Last week I made a joke about how the time spent writing my entry could have been spent either editing or writing.  I still feel strong about having something new posted here once per week, give or take a few days.

I’ve been stuck and it only dawned on me today what has me in such a shape.  The absolute worst part of writing is the self-doubt

I would love to sit here and tell you, “my overnight job is so taxing and my sleeping is so out of whack it’s hard to find time to edit.”  – that’s bull.  I’ve sunk 20 hours into Fallout since picking it up five days ago.

Next up is the excuse, “Man, I just got Fallout 4.  What do you expect?  The game is absolutely amazing you’d be inhuman to not play it.”  – that’s not valid either.  Well yes, the game is amazing and I have been playing it, but it’s a symptom.  It’s not the cause.

Somewhere in the middle of this ditch-digging process of editing this manuscript I lost it.  I lost the confidence in my work, the chances of success, and more importantly the valuable time I have been wasting trying to see this come to light.

The thing is evidently self-doubt is very natural.  Everyone – even the well established – will feel it’s debilitating pressure.

I feel indebted to podcasts like the Dead Robots (and the Facebook community for it) for helping me stay focused for so long – it was only a matter of time before I hit this rut.

All is not lost though – I didn’t want to come on here and tell you all that I haven’t opened Scrivener in four days, and my NaNoWriMo project is still at zero words on Day 15.  At least, I didn’t want to do that and leave it at that.

I made sure to edit another chapter in the manuscript before writing this.  You know what? It felt good.  I think this self-doubt in the end was as much about being burned out than anything else.  I was plugging away for 5-8 hours every day and it got to be a little much.

So thanks for sticking out through the post, next week I’ll fill you all in more on what I project my release schedule will look like in 2016.

November Goals – To be completed before November 30th
Edit the final seven chapters of Seth’s manuscript
Win NaNoWriMo – 50,000 words done on Kruegers.

Yeah, Writer’s Life!


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