I’m not even supposed to be here today! – Dante Hicks
I must have heard this line thousands of times through my life. It’s not particularly humorous in and of itself but on hearing those eleven syllables I tend to crack a smile. It’s the overused catch phrase to make reference to Dante Hicks; the stagnating protagonist of Kevin Smith’s Clerks movies. If you haven’t seen either of these films and you are a like minded individual as myself then you’re either lying or missing out.
The smart-ass sidekick Randal tends to get more of the witty punchlines throughout the film but they are pretty much all served up by Dante’s rationalizing and observation.
Now now hold on, I realize if you were to make a search through posts on The World Is Broken you will come across a lot of posts like this. I’ve slammed my foot on the pavement and made my battle cry so often in the past that anyone who has been following this site (or know me IRL) have a right to click away now because this is just the same old routine from me.
Of course that being said, it doesn’t take away from my need to write it. And back off anyway, since the last “shit or get off the pot” talk I’ve got a huge handle on my over-whelming debt, I’ve moved into a very comfortably large home with my girlfriend and we’ve been managing a family of four, and I’ve completed a number of short stories and a full length novel that is in its final stages of production before the painstaking process of publishing begins.
So yeah, I’ve made some progress.
I think that may be the problem. I’ve made some progress and it’s like my drive and ambition just stopped here; “alright pal your life is a bit better, that’s all I got for ya sorry.”
As an unpublished, unknown author of works that have yet to be viewed by anyone NOT on my Facebook friend list…(Except for my parents and some of their friends.).. I have been suffocating under the pressure of it all lately.
Am I really going to keep working this dead end overnight gas station job while working on my aspirations of being a writer? At the risk of sounding arrogant, I know I could go back to school for just about any course and excel at it; especially with the work ethic I’ve developed recently. Why am I meandering at a bottom barrel job crossing my fingers on a writing career?
I actually think a lot of writers are going to struggle with this when they are starting out. It looks like such a insurmountably uphill battle, where even if you succeed there’s no guarantee it’ll be any better than the minimum-wage lifestyle that we’ve grown accustomed to.
When does writing stop being just a hobby to kill time, and become your primary source of income.
I’ve felt the sting from some of my closer friends about my shortcomings as of late… some just because they thought it was funny to take a shot at my life choices, others because they thought it would motivate me into doing something about it… I’d lie if I said it didn’t affect me in anyway, but isn’t that really what you can expect as a writer anyway?
Everything you do will be berated or at least questioned by someone. The ridicule I’m referring to is no different from what I expect it’s going to feel like to toss my novel up on Amazon and get some troll reviews telling me how terrible it is.
To be a writer you need passion. You need to write. That’s the things I’ve been told.
I’ve learned a thing or two from other writers lately and from just watching the industry as an outsider. To be a writer you must write… you must have passion… and you need a thick skin.
This time I’m finished with broad proclamations of how I’m going to improve my life. How I’m going to stop being so fat; and hopefully extend my lifespan beyond the late 30’s… How am I going to catch up on bills and start saving money for any upcoming troubling times…
I’m not going to sit here and tell you all that I’m going to drop a bunch of weight and have $X in the bank this time next year. It’s just a vague promise that I know I’ll never be able to honor because there’s no clear short term goals leading to these monstrous changes.
Right now the one thing I know for sure is I am going to keep writing. Janus is a flourishing city that I think everyone can enjoy getting lost in. The people who populate it are interesting and there are some great stories to be found within the borders of the city.
Sorry about the uninteresting post, realistically this is more suited for a personal journal that doesn’t see hundreds of people around the world but meh… if I’m going to be a writer, connecting with people is going to be an important part of the rest of my life; might as well start now.
I know there are other writers who are going to see this, what do you think? Does life ever feel this heavy for you?