Random days bring about random memories.
Last night I had the strangest dream. I would be hard pressed to recall the details of this dream but what I do remember is waking up with the oddest feeling of nostalgia. My mind raced back a little over a decade ago and I started thinking about the summer after my high school graduation.
The summer started off with a bang as I started to really come into my own with my enduring friendship with alcohol. It was also the beginning of a friendship unlike any other I have ever known.
I met someone who I would still like to categorize as one of my best friends, she picked me up and at a very low point in my life and shown me that I could become worth a damn if only I had the confidence. Before this friendship I was nothing more but the token fat-kid just trying to fit in with the “cool” crowd but never quite getting there.
Prior to this friendship I was a forgettable mass in the history of rural Newfoundland, someone that just existed but you didn’t quite know all that well. I got along with just about everyone but I was never really high up on the list when it came to socializing. Save for a very small group of close friends.
It was this summer that helped me realize that I have a natural compulsion to get involved when something is wrong. This attribute became the root cause of some of my most endearing friendships to date, as well as some of the most catastrophic backfires I ever experienced.
I’ve made good friends, and bitter enemies throughout my life, and that summer is where it all began.
The real strange thing about this friendship that I am describing. This pivotal learning experience and epiphany came from someone who was technically only close for that summer. In the fall I went to Corner Brook for college and she visited a couple of times, we talked online, and I saw her at home a couple of times… but there was never a long lasting time where we were consistently in each others lives ever since.
Oddly enough though, even though it’s been 11 years since that summer and we have only talked a handful of times since… she still stands out in my mind as one of the most significant people who has shaped the man I became, and to this day remains someone I will never completely give up on even if I can’t stay in contact.
We would go 2-4 years between talking. She vanished off the radar for most of my time in college but then all of a sudden she is working with my father and living just a few miles down the road from my house. While she lived there we hung out a couple more times and it felt great. She looked great.
She got a new boyfriend and eventually moved out of the house down the road and it would be another hiatus before I could see her again, until a random day I get a message on facebook and we start talking about. She’s living in Stephenville Crossing now. Great news! I manage to make a few trips over to visit, we go for a couple of rides.
The thing about her is no matter what’s going on, spending time together always felt so uplifting. We never needed to talk about what was going on in my head her presence alone was enough to make it seem not so daunting. Of course, this was short-lived as well, she moved closer to central NL.
There was one more period where we talked, it consisted of a handful of Facebook conversations, and as always it was great to hear from her. Me and my girlfriend were planning on driving home from St. John’s to see my parents and introduce the misses to my hometown, me and this friend talked about possibly seeing her.
Truth be told if that is something that would have happened it would have been the highlight of the vacation. Nothing could have topped it. Alas, it was not to be had. The plan fell through.
This epic friendship is something I previously described as one of my big regrets because it was the only time I tried to help someone and had to lay off due to my own weakness. I was becoming psychologically hurt by the whole situation. What I perceive to be the problem (actually that part isn’t that difficult to see) is still in the picture and I have conceded that there is nothing I can do, other than be here and waiting for her when she is ready.
I know she used to read this blog, I don’t know if that’s still the case… of course I also don’t know if she’s going to be mad or glad in what I’m writing. I just sincerely hope that she’s happy, or at the very least that she knows that aside from her parents she has someone else in her corner if she ever needs help.
Let’s put this in perspective. If you are reading this, and I have ever helped you with anything remotely serious in your life, if I have ever been there during a rough time and saw you through it… it is this friend that you truly have to thank. Without her I never would have evolved into the person I am today.
One of my shortest lived face-to-face friendships, yet I would say the most lasting of them all.
Who knows, it’s been a couple of years now maybe I’m due for another random “I live nearby” message from her eh?
Anyway, take care Christa maybe I’ll see you soon?