Until The Referee Rings The Bell…

Who would’ve thought that a Gym Class Heroes song would strike a nerve?  Guess you really can’t really predict where inspiration is going to come from eh?

The tune is a little cliche, especially in its lyrics.
“Ya ever feel like your train a thoughts been derailed?That’s when you press on.”

Why yes Mr. Heroes, yes I do feel like my train of thoughts have been derailed.  What’s that you say? Press on?  *gasp* I never thought of that, honestly my approach has been just to dwell and mope about it which will eventually lead to an ulcer of some sort I’m sure.

Joking aside lest we forget lines like that are cliché for a reason.  Around 845-ish pm last night I found myself departing Empire Theatres after seeing The Expendables 2 with a couple of friends.  I came away from the film feeling pretty satisfied with it, it didn’t take itself too seriously (or seriously at all).  It was a completely self-aware tribute &  simultaneously satire of classic action movies with the stars of yester-year taking digs at themselves… Seriously, it has Chuck Norris telling a Chuck Norris joke…  this movie was done masterfully.

The film struck a bit of a core with me in that I was beginning to think that maybe this has been my problem lately; I’m taking everything way too seriously and in recent months I have completely lost the ability to lighten up.

This is an entirely new season from the one that began when I ventured forth to the East Coast of Newfoundland, it has new settings and a whole slew of new characters with the previous new introductions from last season faded into simple cameo rolls.

There was actually going to be a World Is Broken entry on this small realization that Sly Stallone uncovered in my psyche, until later that night.  After deciding to make a run to the card table instead of joining an old flame as she wandered on her way through the Avalon mall, I played some cards then ended up picking up good old dependable Aimiaiko .  So just a normal drive around kind of night relaxing before work in the early AM.  We drive around  serenaded by an mp3 CD fresh out of the burner when all of a suddenThe Fighter comes on.    I got the window down, myarm feeling the breeze, contemplating what went wrong tonight at the poker table.

The lyrics of Fighter start echoing through my mind.  It gets to the part in the second verse,
“And if I can last thirty rounds, There’s no reason you should ever have your head down
Six foot five, two hundred and twenty pounds,Hailing from rock bottom, loserville, nothing town”

Yes, I get it is an overused, most of the time insincere gesture, but for some reason it spoke to me.  A lot of various inspirational stories ran through my mind and then I began to look at the issues that are plaguing myself.  If so many people can accomplish so much under staggering odds, why am I sweating a little bit of insecurity.

I haven’t been to Goodlife in a week.. I’ve been feeling like dirt – Why don’t I just .. y’know.. go back? Yeah that sounds like a nifty idea to rid myself of that frustration.  So that’s on the to-do list.  After work I will probably crash and sleep so if I manage to sleep all night I will hit up good life before work tomorrow and pick up where I left off… if I wake up in the middle of the night, guess what!  It’s 24 hrs so I can still go then as well.

I just lost AGAIN at Poker, what the hell.  Ain’t I supposed to be good at this?  – Listen, the first thing that’s going to make you lose is .. well, thinking you’re going to lose.  Stop doubting yourself you tool.  I know exactly what the problem is.. you’ve played two nights since your proclamation that you’re returning to the poker stage in St. John’s.  You’ve even played absolutely solid cards while you were there…. until you started taking a few unnecessary risks.  You are too impatient…  you are trying to go on a mad rush and get yourself back up to the $1,000+ bank roll over night.  Hell there’s more than one play you’ve made in the last 48hrs that your mind was screaming at you before you even did it… Start paying attention to your instincts and use your head and it’ll all be fine.

So much rejection.. everywhere I look! – … *Smack* are you serious?  THAT is supposed to be a problem.  Grow the eff up sir, for every example you have of rejection, I have one of acceptance… romantic, financial, social, you name it.  So stop focusing on what you don’t have and just soak up and enjoy what you do.

A bit of patience, and a will to keep on the path that I’ve chosen a month ago…. *reflects on life* man, I used to be such an uplifting soul. ha ha.

There’s sooooooooo many plans for the coming months, 2012 (well at least the second half) is really shaping up to be that “year of transition” that I’ve been dying to set in motion for the last 5 years.  I’ll be keeping you all updated on various progress, so you should be hearing more from me in the coming days ahead.

Hopefully this entry has also cured me of my writer’s block eh?

Anyway, I’m at work…  I still haven’t actually gone to sleep last night so I am at a desk with 4 Rockstar Energy drinks… who wants to place bets at when I’m going to crash, I’ll even take side bets on who thinks I’ll even be able to make it till 4pm when this shift is over.

45mins Down… 7hrs, 15mins left to go.  Wish Me Luck.


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