Karma you are one crafty son of a … I’m beginning to get the hint that you have been trying to get me to understand. I’m not a perfect person nor have I ever claimed to be. My cracks and quirks are just as prominent in my personality as with anyone else. Sometimes you realize that you do something that’s just not right and it takes being on the receiving end to really have it click in.
This idea of social selective availability, is a very frustrating thought. What do I mean by this? Well it is exactly what it sounds like, being available under certain conditions. When it comes to spending time with someone
For example, you have that friend that says they enjoy hanging out with you and everything feels on the up and up. This friend is a very busy person though, he/she can hang out for a while but must leave at a certain point because of other plans or prior engagements. Of course you are not an overly obsessive or needy associate so it’s perfectly fine. You understand they are busy.
You begin to notice in the coming weeks how difficult it is to actually spend any time with this friend, there is always some reason why it can’t happen, and even if it does there ends up being some condition or restriction on the time or event. Once again you are a patient person so of course you just deal with it, it’s life after all.
Then you begin to notice how easily this particular friend is able to make time for other people.. in fact seemingly everyone else. It gets frustrating. It isn’t a very difficult problem to deal with.. I mean they clearly don’t really enjoy your company as much as they claim they do because if they really did they wouldn’t have such a problem finding time, since they have no problem when it comes to someone else.
Resolution? Don’t waste your time. Drop them like a bad habit, they clearly prefer other peoples company as opposed to yours.
… Well not necessarily.
You see that makes sense but doesn’t necessarily hold as much water as you would assume. After feeling the frustration myself I started thinking about my own interaction with my friends, when I do this it is very difficult to remain on my high horse of being a victim.
A couple of friends come to mind in particular. My absolute worst offence is against someone who I would consider to actually be one of my best friends, Emma. My go to girl when it comes to anything horror. Emma is one of the few people that I can legitimately be myself around and can talk about absolutely anything without worry of judgement.
Emma is a very close friend and yet I have not seen her face to face since Chernobyl Diaries was in theatre, and we never get around to making time to hang out. She invites me to do things but there is usually something else going on.. something that I wont enjoy half as much, with people I don’t respect a quarter as much as I do her, and yet it happens.
It isn’t because I don’t really enjoy spending time with her, I honestly do not have an answer for why this happens the way it does. So maybe it’s time to start thinking a little more objectively about the whole thing eh?
Is it still frustrating?? Yes… Can one actually approach someone that is allegedly doing this “selective availability” without making it sound like they are needy and whiney?? No… It’s just a bad scene all around.
As with every time I encounter a realization of this nature, I’m going to take this into consideration and start paying more heed to the people in my life that matter, and start restricting time given to the people in my life that shouldn’t.
I thought living the philosophy of whatever plans I make first are the ones I stick with would be the best course of action to be fair to everyone. There is a fundamental flaw in this thinking that has been brought to light.
The flaw lies in the fact that some of the closest people in my life (Emma being a prime example) are not necessarily people that I get to see on a day to day basis, therefore it’s hard to actually make plans. Especially when there are co-workers and people that I see day to day that keep making plans over and over again in advance.
So by the time I get a message from a friend I don’t see often, there is already plans made with the day-to-day people in my life. A new system needs to be designed to be fair to everyone. I swear the more I think about this the more I begin to realize that life is not all that much unlike that of The Sims when it comes to social interactions. It’s pretty over simplified, but the idea behind having to spend time with someone so often else the friendship deteriorates is pretty spot on for some of the people in my life.
Actually thinking about it now, it’s pretty uncanny. I’m going to finish this and probably go re-install Sims 3 and give it a go tonight…