– Know When To Fold Em –

C’mon don’t pretend like you don’t know the words.  “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers is a niche song who’s chorus is etched in the minds of anyone that over the age of 25.  Even if you haven’t heard the song I’m sure you know the chorus.

“You got to know when to Hold Em, Know when to Fold Em,
Know when to walk away, Know when to run.
You never count your money, when you’re sitting at the table
There’ll be time enough for counting, when the dealings done” Kenny Rogers – The Gambler.

Honestly his advice pretty flawed for use at the poker table, in fact if you’re playing a cash game the whole “don’t count your money at the table” is a very poor strategy.  Any poker player worth his salt knows that the size of your stack in relation to the size of the rest of the table is a key thing to considering when you decide what kind of play you’re going to d…..

No.. I will NOT make this a poker entry.  This is not what I wanted to talk about.

No! Back off Kenny.  I like the song but that’s not what this is about.

*Ahem* Okay. This message is about the first part of the iconic chorus.  Know when to hold em, know when to fold em.  I’ve racked my brain and looked through a lot of proverbs and quotes and there has been a lot said about the power of sheer persistence and perseverance.

Every inspirational name one can imagine has some kind of a quote about how you have to endure all challenges.. never give up.. try try again.  I don’t hear a whole lot of people actively giving counsel towards the notion that sometimes giving up IS the best choice of action.  Sometimes you need to realize you’re fighting a losing battle, and before you drive yourself insane or end up doing irreparable damage you should considering throwing in the towel.

At the very least changing your goal.

Yes.. this is going to tie back to talking about dealing with women.  That seems to be my little shtick here in my corner of the interwebs.

There comes a time when you’re hanging with that your crush and things are going okay; you try to do what you can to be flirty towards her but not too overbearing.  You try to hangout with her, but not get too close and end up finding yourself friend-zoned.

Hell you might have even succeeded a little more-than-friend activity up to this point.

Things are looking good right?  Well what if they aren’t.  What if you begin to notice a change in your path.  What do you do if you notice that some of the things you’ve been doing have  felt forced and awkward instead of comfortable and natural?

There comes a time when you must ask yourself exactly whether or not it’s time to hold em or fold em.

This is a very important question because it could dictate exactly how this association with this potential partner will go.  Will it be something amazing yet short lived, maybe it’ll be foundation for something that can be absolutely incredible down the road, or hell maybe you just end up with another friend.  You need to make a judgement call as to where you stand.

Maybe she just wants to be friends?  You ever think of that.  This is where persistence will lead to missing out.  If you continually assault someone with intentions of more than friendship when it’s all they can offer, you’ll end up out in the cold and they’ll be lost to you.

Sometimes when someone says they just want to be friends, it could be just because they are afraid of letting someone in, sometimes it’s because they legit have no feelings for you other than friendship, and sometimes they just think they’ll end up hurting you and it’s their defense mechanism that they use to keep themselves free from  guilt.

There are thousands of other reasons why someone would want to just be friends, but these are just prominent examples.  And therein lies the problem.  two of those three scenarios can be overcome through sheer persistence, patience, and understanding.  Realizing they have things they need to work through, and trying to be there for them as more than a friend while at the same time trying to make sure you’re not adding any extra pressure to their already complicated situation.

I’ve talked many people through situations just like this.  Everything from the teen angst of a break with their high school sweet heart, right up to helping a friend talk her father down from suicide… then having to counsel her in the aftermath when she began to feel responsible.  (I include this only after checking with her if it was okay to make the reference of course)

I do get a bit frustrated at times when it comes to an attraction that is hindered by a complicated past.  It isn’t something that’ll drive me batty, but I think it’s more due to my own arrogance and how I feel I can help anyone through anything.  I feel inadequate when someone doesn’t let me help out.. although it would make perfect sense not to completely open up to a complete stranger… Anyway, I  digress.

This story is about the right time to give up, not about complicated pasts.  The long and short of it all is simply if you find yourself in a situation that seems completely hopeless, do NOT take the option of surrender very lightly.  For how cliche it is to give the “don’t give up” talk.. it really does hold water.

You very well should make sure all options have been explored or at least considered before doing so.

HOWEVER, there comes a time when you need to evaluate the situation.  You need to understand the risks of perseverance, because if you persist in a situation that fails in the end you could end up completely empty handed, whereas if you consider all outcomes you may find that by giving in or giving up before reaching that point may at least get you a consolation prize.

Sure you may not end up getting the girl.. but you could end up with a good friend..

Learning when is a good time to cut your losses is NOT the same as being a quitter, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.  There is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to strategic retreat. Don’t be ashamed to wave the white flag..


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