– The Strain Of Leisure –

I really didn’t want to do this… it goes against every fiber of my being to do this.  But until I find a better quote this will have to suffice.  After a brief search online there is no quote that I could find that would sum up my frame of mind at the moment better than the following

“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” 

I know this quote because from two sources.  Originally it was from my constant tribulation from being an Atheist.  I know it as a passage from Corinthians in the Holy Bible.  The second is that it was quoted by Matt Lillard in the movie Hackers. 

Whereas I do enjoy Hackers for the sheer entertainment value, if you understand the jargon the movie it is quite hilarious.  But to quote the annoying Lillard character of Cereal Killer is slight embarrassing.

I can’t believe I just quoted a bible verse in one of my entries…. *sigh*

Anyway… the point still stands.  This is a thought that has been going through my head a lot in the last 48 hours.  I’ve made some pretty extensive plans concerning my future recently but to be honest progress has been at a minimal. 

When I reflect on what my time has been allocated for I paint a grim picture of what is to come.  I’ve spent a considerable amount of time recently on something that was initially supposed to be a minor activity done in leisure.  To be honest, it’s felt way too much like work lately that I’m questioning why I bother with it.

Too much of that life right now involves petty bickering over stupid and trivial things… Yeah okay I understand that basically describes my personality to the letter, but this is different.

Debating random useless topics with Paul Vincent or Adam Besaw… even just shooting the shit with John Picco or Misty Gingras… these things were fairly enjoyable.  Which is not something I just don’t feel at the moment.

I think I dove head first into the shallow end of the pool this time and cracked my head on the bottom.  I’ve completed devoured my free time with this at the expense of other aspects of my life that I was trying to get on track.  In the last day or two especially I feel more like the right move for me is to bow out from this particular setting.. or at least take some steps back.

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