– I Can Change, I Promise!! –

Tell me this.  Are you as sick and tired of this line as I am?  The insincere outcry from the recently rejected; a desperate plea for forgiveness.  It’s such an easy line to use and yet to actually, legitimately follow through requires an inhuman amount of willpower and desire.

Lately this has come up in a couple of different situations that I have been around so I figured it was the right time to make an entry about it.  Once again I’m not sure if this is a repeat entry but either way it needs to be addressed again.

Ladies and Gentlemen, when a relationship ends and you rhyme off your laundry list of reasons why the two of you cannot work , you will commonly get the reaction of hurt and remorse.  A lot of the time you are going to hear the dreaded line, “I can change, I can make things better, just give me a chance…”  and so on and so forth.

Well folks, its story time.

Years ago I was in a relationship where I was a complete asshole.  You have no idea how terrible I treated this girl and yet she still stuck with me.  At the end of this relationship I realized I had made a mistake and broke up with one of the few girls I’ll ever encounter that will truly accept me for who I am, and not try to make me something that I am not.

Of course it was too late, my Asshole-ways caught up with me and she was gone.

I did the whole song and dance claiming that I could change and everything would be better going forward, but she had enough of that.  She never did come back and to this day I am pretty sure she will remember me as that asshole.

I don’t blame her, I didn’t give her any reason to think otherwise.

The point of this story is that me and her broke up once prior to this and when we got back together we both said things would be different and everything would be better now that we know that we could lose each other.

Things were good…. for a while.  Once the novelty of losing her was gone the natural tendency to fall back into old habits set in and I reverted right back to Mr. Asshole.

The point of this story is that I did change, I spent a long time figuring out what is going on in my head that caused those issues and have long since dealt with them.  There was a lot lingering in my head unresolved and that cause me to be the man I was.

Losing her was what I needed in order to sort that out.  A couple of years later I moved on with my next relationship and although it also wasn’t a forever type fling, it did show me that I legitimately have changed.

Yes we fought, and yes things weren’t always perfect, but I can say with the utmost confidence that I treated her great…

This is a really long-winded method of getting across a simple point.  When couples break and the dumpee says that they ware going to change.. there is only two scenarios.  #1: They are just saying that to get you back and have no intention of changing.  and #2: They are telling the truth, and they will try to change… but if you do take them back then there reason for wanting this change will fade away, therefore the change cannot happen.

If Danielle would’ve got back with me, then it meant that there were no real consequences to me being that asshole… it was losing her and accepting the fact that she was gone for good that kept the drive going to change.

Think about it, they want to change because you broke things off with them… if things get back together, it’s only a matter of time before that fear wears off… and no one can change over night.  So once there’s no more fear driving their change than there in turn can be no change.

This might be a little dry and repetitive.. but I know two friends of mine that this is going to be relevant to for certain, maybe more.

One has guilt and remorse about the hurt being caused on her ex, and the other seems to be getting through it but had a rough time going.

So, never forget, the “I Can Change” line ONLY works, if you stick to your guns, and let them do what they have to do.  Never look back and take back your decision, else there’s a slim change that change will ever occur.


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