I will admit that this topic may very well be a repeat of one I covered last year, but I cannot find such a post so I decided I’m going to risk it and write it anyway.
This does not strictly apply to relationships, but more towards life itself. I can’t count how many mornings I woke up with the intention of finally breaking the habit. “Today! Today is the day I make a change! I start doing what’s right for me, and start making everything in my life the way I want it.” This is said far too often.
What happens? … Well routine happens. All of a sudden “Today” becomes “Tomorrow” and the very tragic part about planning everything around “Tomorrow” is that it never truly comes.
No matter when you seek to make a change, it always needs to be “Today”, waiting on tomorrow is a fool’s errand.
It gets so easy to just maintain the status quo and not rock the boat. It’s a very major waste of time and if you don’t catch yourself you are going to wake up one day and years will have come and gone and you are no closer to your goals than when you started.
This post was inspired by a realization that I made yesterday evening. My biggest obstacle that stands between happiness and surrender is not an idiot who lives 6 hours away. It never was. My true obstacle is the comfort zone.
We’ve all heard the stories and most of us can probably name a friend that this will describe. A couple that is together, not because of emotion or passion, but because of habit. One of my first crushes was a girl who was in a semi-long term relationship. The guy actually treated her pretty bad, but she stuck it out.
It wasn’t because she was in love with him, or that she enjoyed being treated like a piece of meat without any real feelings. Her persistence was simply due to the fact that she was so used to him being there because they have been together for so long that it became difficult for her to even imagine her life without him.
You end up at a point where you begin to define your life by the relationship. You are no longer you, you are his girlfriend (or her boyfriend). This is very dangerous territory because once you embark into that area, they can get away with murder and you will simply suck it up and deal with it.
My problem isn’t that there is someone who is capable of more than me, he simply had the fortune of being there first. If circumstances were different, there would be no resistance.
This “Comfort Zone” is something that everyone needs to be aware of, and weary of. When dealing with a conflicting situation to your comfort zone you need to stop, objectively take a look around and have a breath. You could be in the presence of something incredible, but just because it’s new you are afraid to dive in.
You get confused and don’t know how to proceed because you are tempted to take the chance, but that would risk losing what you already have (regardless to how bad it may be). The familiar will always have a strong hold when weighed against the uncertain. As humans it is encoded in our genes.
Some people are better at suppressing that mentality, which results in more risk taking, but we all know that the devil you know is usually the preferred choice over the one you don’t.
The issue is sometimes in that uncertainty there is no devil waiting… but there IS a silver lining. I’ve been stuck in a bit of a comfort zone myself over this past year. There have been opportunities to move on and try something new… but I refused to take it. Ever fearful that I would miss out on the opportunity to rekindle what I lost.
When I almost lost one of my best friends due to a bit of a dramatic situation that was more or less indirectly caused by this way of thinking I began to realize it wasn’t healthy. I need to let someone new in, I need to take a chance and see what’ll happen.
I did that, and regardless as to how it turns out I have no regrets. I threw caution to the wind and found something that puts everything in perspective.
Sometimes you just need to get out from the miserable familiar and see where the uncertainty takes you. If not, life is just going to pass you by and you will end up miserable.
Life is about the journey not the destination. You need to experience it. If you stay within the lines and never venture away from the highway you’ll regret it. The true spice of life is found when you veer away from the straight line and take a few back roads just to see what you are going to encounter.