I have had to come to terms with the worst event to happen in my life in the past 10 years. There’s been many proclamations of better things to come, so many plans to better myself in the past, but it always gets put off.
It’s been a week to the day since Elaine left us and I’m still far from myself. Last night was the first night since Friday that wasn’t spent in the graveyard looking over her and remembering the impact she had on my life.
This post is not another eulogy, and it isn’t another goodbye for her. There is not enough web space available on the internet to hold everything I want to say about her. This post is more about what is now to come.
I’ve spent too long looking to ludicrous ideas and ambitions, but nothing ever comes of them. It’s officially time for that to end.
I went to see Elaine on every visit that I made to St. John’s unless it just couldn’t happen. The end of April I was there for 2 days, and wanted to see her but I assumed I had so much time. I left St. John’s with the intentions of sorting out my life and returning to the city at the end of the summer to spending more time with her.
That plan turned into an extended stay in Stephenville with the intent to visit the big city more often… which of course led us to where we are now. I will never get the chance to see her again.
I am not going to be put off this anymore, this may be a familiar rant to anyone who knows me too well but I’m done. I had to abandon Elaine and move back home to fix myself, it’s about time I take that seriously because if I don’t take it seriously it means I truly did abandon her for nothing.
I’m setting goals right now to be accomplished over the next 6 months, starting tomorrow.
Within the next 6 months I am going to meet very specific goals…
It’s time to clean up this life, professionally, financially, and physically.
In 6 months time I’m also going to place a link here and on Scratching The Surface to the blog that I am going to use to keep track of my progress, of course I’m not showing it to anyone until after the 6 months has expired..
No more distraction, no more procrastination…
I’m not wasting anymore time with bullshit that doesn’t have any importance.