– It takes two… or does it? –

It’s been a while since I ranted on anything of real substance.  I mean I did television reviews, news editorials, and personal feelings.  I cannot remember the last time I actually visited “The World Is Broken” and let my opinions fly on a topic that is dear to me.  In a way I guess you can say that this is something that is incredibly personal to me, but I use that phrase very loosely since I am not a parent myself.  This entry is about the single parents in today’s world that is trying to make a living for themselves and their children.

First a little background, I guess you could say that I’ve been “involved” with a number of single mom’s in my day.  I’ve developed a little bit of a reputation for being attracted to single-moms.  So although I have no child of my own and I will not even pretend to get the full understanding of what these individuals are going through, I did get a taste.

It started with Elaine in St. John’s.  Trouble with the family led to my intervention mixed with a break up of my own that was affecting my mind at the time, she was a very special girl to me.  She still is.  Elaine and Briannah are absolutely beautiful, and to this day I don’t think there is anything that I would not do if she asked me.  This girl was there for me at one of my weakest moments of the last 10 years, and helped me through it.  Elaine is the most extreme case I will mention because I don’t get to see her often since I left St. John’s.  She was diagnosed with Cancer not too long after I left, and now she fights everyday to get better to be a mom for Briannah.

Elaine is a pillar of strength and a beacon of hope for everyone that struggles in their life.  Before the Cancer was discovered, I remember laying in bed with her, seeing the doubt in her eyes about the strength that she had.  I told her that she has strength deep inside that she does not see.  When I heard about the Cancer my stomach sank and I feared the worst, but the strength I saw in her so many years ago finally came to the front.  I’m sure she has her weak moments, and at times it is rough, but she has been so strong that it helps me put my own life in perspective.

It doesn’t take a battle with Cancer to display the strength required for parenthood, I know I digressed a little bit there.

There is another girl who come to mind in particular.  Nicole Delaney, who has also been there for me whenever I really needed someone, and although in recent months she has been jerked around by other members of my gender, she still always smiling every time she’s out and about.  Even when she was upset and in need of a couple of drinks, you can see that she’s not feeling the best but only if you look closely.  Also so pleasant and cheerful when she’s out.

Nicole, is an example of someone who showed incredible courageousness when she split with her son’s father.  There are a lot of people that would say that the decision was easy, but that is from the outside looking in.  I’ve had enough experience with terrible relationships to know that when you are in them, you can justify staying very easily.  I know this from the perspective of the guy in the terrible relationship, the guy trying to get the girl out of the terrible relationship, and the guy making it a terrible relationship for the girl;  simply put, I’ve got experience in this field.

Denny (A mix between Daryl and Lenny, named for when she occupied the station that these men used to use at the call center) has actually been the most understanding person that has come into my life in a number of years.  Most of the time I never needed to explain anything I was doing or the thought process behind what I’ve done because she already knew me well enough to know.

A regret I have is actually not saying any of these things to her until it was far too late to make anything of it, and what’s worse is when I finally thought I saw the right opportunity to let her know it was the absolute wrong time which very well could have led to this never becoming anything more than it already is.

There are other examples of single mothers that have been an influence in my recent life.  Stacey Green, Kelsey Sibley, and so on.  I don’t want to name all of them because that would be a post in and of itself.

So, there you have it. That’s why this post exist.  Now it’s time to get back to the generalities,

A child born into a family with a single parent is not something to be pitied.  A big thought provoker for this post is the memory of seeing a mom and child by themselves and hearing pity coming from those in attendance.  I have no pity for this arrangement, not for the kid.  The child born to only one parent is not going to grow with any less love and devotion or even opportunity than others.

Especially kids with single mom’s, will experience all that a normal kid will.  Single dad’s are a little different, especially if they have a daughter… we all turn into I Am Sam in that case.

I’m suggesting that we lose this image we have of the poor, downtrodden family because the father has left the mother to raise the kid all by herself.  I don’t view it like that at all.  I see a strong, accomplished human being making a life for their family without assistance of a co-parent.  I see strength and power every time I message Nicole and she tells me she’s waiting for Jude to go to sleep so she can get her homework done… every time Elaine’s Facebook status changes to “in the hospital again but I WILL get better for Briannah”..  these women are the most powerful people I’ve ever known.

From women studies I’ve been instructed that the roles of women in history have been severely downplayed and they are the victim of much prosecution, but I fail to see that when I look at the determination that I see in a single mom.

One thing I truly hate, and it is the worst kind of asshole I can imagine at the moment is that guy… the one who is all about the girl, how beautiful she is and funny, smart, and everything that makes her who she is…. until he finds out she has a child.

That has got to be the lamest reason for cutting and run that I have ever heard.   I swear if you have a story that involves the great escape because you saw “too much baggage” you best save it for one of your other buddies because you’re going to get a right hook to the jaw if you try to boast it to me.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m tired of the stories about being freaked out because of kids, or the pity trip because of how rough the family has it.  I want to see more motivational perspectives on this, these men and women that raise a child all by their lonesome are doing the most difficult job a human being can attempt.  Give them your respect, not your pity.

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