No pictures this time…
This is going to be a return to my traditional style of writing for this website. There is no news story or global issue that is going to be address, I’m bringing it back to the smaller scope. It’s a little difficult to articulate what I am doing but I guess the easiest way to describe it would be to say that what I’m writing here is something that would generally be found in the sanctity of a hidden journal, or a private blog, but by now you all know me, there really is very little that I would consider to be a private matter. If this bores you by all means click away somewhere else, the next entry I’m sure will be something much more relevant and pleasing to the senses.
I am simply of the mindset now that I need to get this in writing, plain text on a screen, so that maybe it’ll no longer occupy my mind and thoughts. The roommates are gone for the weekend, and I am returning back to Clancy’s Pub tonight to host open mic. This sounds like a fun time on the surface, but I can’t help but shake this underlying gloom I feel in the pit of my stomach.
The last time I felt so displaced was over Christmas when I felt completely alone to the world. I am starting to think that maybe that is what this rumbling is. I find myself getting lost in the nostalgia of my own memories and long for a time that has long since passed.
It doesn’t feel as though there is any single person I can really turn to and vent all the thoughts in my head, I have a lot of friends but they basically all of asterisks around the title of “friend” by their names. What’s worse? Even if I felt like there was someone I could go to right now and try to talk this out and figure out why I can’t seem to be content… it would be futile because I don’t have words to truly describe it.
What is going on in my head, and why can’t I just be comfortable when things are okay. There are no major confrontations or conflicts in my life right now, there is nothing worth complaining about… and yet I can’t describe myself as happy.
Every time I feel this way, it is usually the prelude to something significant.. something major that has is going to change or happen in my life… sometimes for the better sometimes for the worst. It’s making me pretty anxious I can’t lie.
Could it be due to the proximity of Valentine’s Day? Could it simply be caused by a desire to be desired?
How can someone who knows so many people, and have so many close friendships, be able to consider himself alone?
One of these days I’ll find an answer to that question… in the meantime. Thank you for making it through the entry, next one shall be a little more interesting.
~Time for Open Mic.~