It is December 25th, 2010. Christmas Day. My phone is blocked with text messages that read “Merry Christmas”, Facebook is littered with status wishing everyone seasons greetings, and yet I can’t find it. The spark that once burned in me when it comes to the holiday season. Today is Christmas Day for most of you reading this, and yet for me… it’s just Saturday. I don’t know what is the cause, or why I feel this way but I was not able to find any glimmer of Christmas spirit this year.
There’s only two things I can think of that may be the culprit in this caper. The first is something that pretty much all of you can see if you look out your windows right now. If not for the cold it would be difficult to believe that we are even in the month of December, let along waking up to Christmas Morning. This is something with an importance that I couldn’t fathom before. I never considered the significance of a White Christmas… until this year. We’ve had a green Christmas before, but this is the first green December I can ever remember. Snow is apparently key to the build up of the Christmas Spirit for me… I guess this means I have something to adjust to if ever I decide to live in the Southern US eh?
So lesson learned this year, Snow = Crucial for my Christmas spirit.
Damn global warmi… err climate change. I really hope this doesn’t become a habit. December is usually my most uplifting month of the year. Legitimately I used to feel the warm fuzzies that people talk about when they talk about Christmas cheer.
Besides the fact that we didn’t have really any snow this year, there is something else. I’m not sure how big of a role it has played, but it has to be mentioned. This is my first really single Christmas in Four years. The reason why this is even worth mentioning is because up until about four years ago I didn’t really get any kick out of Christmas. It was just a time when I would be able to get some extra stuff if I wanted it. I was getting bored with Christmas before then. I didn’t even ask for anything really for a couple of years up to that point.
The point is, it was about four years ago that I had my first Christmas being of the “In A Relationship” folk. As soon as late November came around I started to feel it, and December 1st marked a time when nothing but Christmas music would be heard coming from my old Neon, and Christmas specials were watched over and over again. I loved it. But, this year is different. I’m single. There really isn’t anyone other than my immediate family that have me in their thoughts on the “big day.” Sure, I have friends that wished me Merry Christmas, and I have extended family like aunts, uncles, and cousins who all wish me a happy holiday, but it isn’t the same.
I think up until this point I’ve severely underestimated the impact that the girlfriend variable had on my Christmas cheer. This isn’t me whining about not having a girlfriend, as I’ve told a couple of people repeatedly. I’m actually not in the market for one. I still am of the belief that I cannot handle a full-fledged relationship at this point and time in my life, there is still far too much work for me to do. I’m just drawing attention to the realization that I think my Christmas spirit exist within me, in a hole that can only be filled by the accompaniment of a female.
Does this mean that this is something I intend on remedying next year?? Quite possibly. That is all going to depend on how much I can accomplish in the other aspects of my life between now and then. It’s soon time to write-up my send off to the year 2010. I’ll go into more detail about the “accomplishments” I’m hoping to achieve in the send off. Truth be told this is one year that I’m more excited about New Years than Christmas. 2011 is going to be interesting to say the least.
Anyway, to those of out there waking up and having your turkey dinner with all your loved ones, I will wish you all a Merry Christmas, just because I can’t find the cheer doesn’t mean no one else can.