– Life is Way Too Short For That –

Grudge by lostknightkg @ DeviantArt.com

A clean slate.  This is what I offered to everyone approximately three weeks ago.  This entry is inspired because I have just engaged in a conversation with one of the people that was directly affected by my sudden decision to offer everybody a clean slate.  I mean really, what is the point?

This provokes a thought in my mind that I felt the urge to come and share with anyone that stumbles upon this blog.  Why is it so hard to get past mistakes.  If someone wrongs you, what do you gain by carrying a grudge?  It does nothing be cause more awkwardness, and adds additional stress that I KNOW you don’t need.  As humans we already deal with enough stress as is, why bother adding to it. 

This particular case of this particular conversation that I am having with this particular girl.  I am no fool, and if she is to read this she may not like what I am about to say, however I still do not trust her entirely.  I was betrayed, the friendship that I shared was completely thrown to the dogs in the hopes that she can negotiate a deal with her significant other.  To me that isn’t something that I going to forget, ever.  I know when push comes to shove that if the stakes are right, I won’t be able to depend on her loyalty.

However I do not want anyone to misinterpret what I am trying to say here.  I am not chastizing the poor girl.  She has repeatedly informed me that she made a mistake and there were numerous conversations to the point where I believe that she is legitimately remorseful of the events that took place.  So why should I hold a grudge??  If I needed to turn to someone for a life or death situation, I’ll probably go to someone that I trust over her, but how many friendships require that kind of dedication.  She’s still a joy to talk to, she is still an entertaining conversationalist. 

My point is, you don’t have to have a perfect record with everyone in your life for them to be a part of it.  I guess that’s a lesson I learned this year.  Once upon a time the only thing that mattered in my life is truth, is honesty.  I guessing maybe my ex girlfriend spoiled me because I knew with her that everyone was honest and true.  Anyway, I have been betrayed numerous times since the incident in question by numerous people.  I’ve been lied to, I’ve been bitched about, and I’ve been despised… I understand this. 

 

The people that is perpetrating these acts, do I really need to cut them entirely out of my life?  Yes they may not be able to be trusted with my must sacred secrets but things don’t always have to be serious.  If you spend time with someone because they are fun to be around in that moment.  What does it matter if they lied to you about hanging out with someone else instead of hanging out with you?  I certainly would never free up my schedule for this person, but if I had nothing to do and they had nothing to do, why not get together? 

Grudge Report by BlindEyeTwist @ DeviantArt.com

Someone said they had a problem with you, but you want to go to see a movie and there is no one that wants to see it other than that person.  Do you not go?  What is the harm in just going and enjoying yourself.  Hell, it’ll be a good opportunity to talk about it and that could be the first step to recovery. 

There are always so many other ways you can deal with the people in your life and the mistakes they make when it comes to your friendship/relationship.  Isolation is not the way to go about it.  This was a rough lesson to learn, one day I’ll probably go into the psychological details as to how I came  to this conclusion.  For now we’ll just say that I’m having a conversation, it is enjoyable, and it is indeed with someone that the old me would’ve severed all ties with. 

I can see the error of that way of thinking. 

Life is way too short and too stressful for grudges.  So in short, to end this little progress report.  My month long pledge to clean the slate with everyone and start from scratch giving everyone the benfit of a doubt is working quite smoothly and I want to boast that drama levels have reached all time low.  Because instead of confronting every imperfection in my associations in a vain attempt at finding a harmonious existence, the compromise of knowing that people are different and no two people will ever fit completely together without any friction.

Give it a shot if you don’t believe.  I’m telling you it will add 20 years to your life.

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– I Want It Vs You Need It – Who Wins? –

It’s December 2nd.  Therefore, time for another entry.  2 of 31.


“It’s Not What I Want, But It IS What You Need”
It sounds like a bad line from the most recent Batman film, but I’m sure that it is something that a lot of people can relate to.  It would give me great joy to say that everyone could understand, but unfortunately there is a large selection in the world that would can not seem the grasp of putting your wants on the back burner if it directly conflicts with someone elses need. 

Selfless by PirateJenyfer @ DeviantArt.com

Imagine something that you wanted, something you desired but there was an obstacle in your way.  It boils your blood that you cannot obtain what you seek.  It is a very frustrating situation you find yourself in.  Now that you have this image, imagine that the obstacle is a friend of yours, or a family member.  Okay, well now finally imagine that the problem they pose is very easily solved but it will be at the expense of this person.  Right now, at this moment if you envisioned all of this you are looking at a case where you are facing a decision.. what is more important?  Does your want have more importance than their need? 

You really want this brand new item that is on the market, you have a friend that has money stashed in his room and you know where it is kept.  You REALLY want this item, do you betray them by taking the money.  Everyone knows where the money is stashed, they wouldn’t have any way of knowing it was you.  You want that item, they need their money.  What’s more important? How about if it wasn’t a friend, just some random person you barely knew??  Do you take the money??

Studio Audience:  Noooooooooooo!

Very good ladies and gentlemen.  You are such an ethically sound audience, especially if you agree that it is wrong and you wouldn’t do it and it isn’t just because you would fear getting caught.  Now to move onto the bonus question.

You have a complicated relationship with someone that you were really close with.  While you were close it was a battle.  Let’s just say you both were the cause of lots of joy, and lots of anguish in each others life.  The final action was taken by you, and she had to deal with it.  That was the past and after a long time of living and growing up everything seems to be going fine.  You two are both different people than when you started your association… you begin to feel a lot more comfortable being together and you enjoy each others company again…. there’s a problem.  You’re continued association has become a problem for her new life.  The new friend in her life. 

You witness the strain you’re having, but you enjoy the company.  So what do you do?  Keep talking and spending time together because it is what you want?  or do you remain stoic on the outside so that you don’t interfere on what you legitimately believe she needs right now?

Studio Audience: ummmm…

Precisely.

Selfless by Mishiru @ DeviantArt.com

 

It’s not what I want, but it IS what I think she needs.  That’s the point that I’m trying to illustrate in this entry.  It’s a very intriquing test of character. What do you think you’re breaking point would be.  When does a want become so powerful that it would superceed the needs of someone else.  How about if it was a complete stranger, does that devalue their need? 

I want to think that I am someone who would not have a problem sacrificing wants for the needs of others, but it is a mentality that got me in trouble when I was a younger man.  Sometimes it has hard to discern between a very strong want and a need.  I have given up things that I needed for someone elses very strong wants.  This is not a healthy way to go through life.  I was not able to tell the difference and I got burned.

I just want to get you thinking though.  How likely is it that you would throw someone else under a bus so that you can cross the street?  We all do it, most times it is in such a small capacity that we don’t realize it, but as human beings we are designed for violence and greed, it’s as simple as that.  The difference between the morally just and the morally bankrupt is the control they have to over those urges and the willpower to let them affect behavior. 

I’ve seen the Needle and the Damage Done (Neil Young).  I don’t for one second believe that everyone must go through life looking out only for themselves.  Human beings are born full of greed and violence, but we are also social creatures, we have an limitless capacity for compassion and empathy.  Just because you want something does NOT mean you have to take it at the expense of someone else.

I guess you could apply this mindset as the main argument that parents will try and teach their kids that stealing is wrong.  It is true that this is applicable, but the point of the entry is more on about emotional and pyschologically selfish actions.  This basically does come down to self centered behavior.  I am not guilt-free of this debate, I’ve recently come under mental attack of conscience about what the right and wrong thing is to do with a certain situation.  To which I need to address one more point on the topic.

“Who are you to decide what someone else needs?”   – It’s a very legitimate question.  It’s not for you to decide what someone else wants or needs.  It is strictly up to that person.  To this I respond… I agree.  I completely agree that no one is in a true position to tell someone else what they need.  As people, as grown ups, my belief is that we just need critical decision making skills to decide on what the best course of action is.  I’m not trying to remove choice from you, I’m just making my own. You can do as you please.

Essentially what I’m saying is that we are all fallable when we try to decide if someone else believes something to be a need.  My belief, based on the observations I have seen, the knowledge I have obtained, and the experience that I have lived, will guide me to what I believe is the right course of action.  It’s not a perfect system, but it’s the only one I got.  The assessment of what is a need may be incorrect, but it is still all I got to make my decision.

But I digress, this isn’t an entry about being able to figure out what people think they want and need… it is about the concept of giving up something you want because you think it will interefere with what you believe someone else needs. 

I’m sure some of you have been in a situation along these lines. the question is though: Which did you go with? Did you strive for your weight, or let it go for their need?


Blog Head by ZPolice @ DeviantArt.com

I’m not sure if you guys have noticed but I have started making some changes to this blog.  After seeing the entry that made “Freshly Pressed.”  (A section of WordPress that features new entries every day on their homepage) I’ve begun to aspire that I can actually make this thing something read by people other than those on my facebook list.  So I’m going to be crediting the pictures that I use, since most are from deviantart.  I’m going to be using Tags, and also trying to up the content a bit.  Anyway, this entry was a little bit forced as I said I still got a big of writer’s block that I’m dealing with.  But it’s the 2nd day so I needed an entry. 

Basically what I’m saying is that I still want to keep getting feedback from everyone.  Let me know what you think and what can make it better.