I am well aware that I am running the risk of people who know me well assuming this post is yet more evidence that my head has spent more time in the DC Universe as of late than it has been in Reality. The point would be hard to debunk; I have been spending a lot of time lately in Gotham City especially. But that is NOT the inspiration to this post. Last night this idea came to me and after pondering nature, history and pop culture I found Kryptonite to be the greatest example of what I want to write about.
It’s quite simple really, I want to type about Vulnerability.
This came to me last night, in a not so flattery night for my persona. Lately I’ve found myself in one of the strongest psychological states that I have ever been in my life. I am ready to tackle anything and everything that wants to throw itself at me.
I mean drama-wise I am in the clear, back to a mindset that allows me to reprise my role as counselor to my peers. Academically, well I am not trying to portray myself as arrogant when I say this, but I am literally an academic superman. There is yet to be anything in this course to give me a problem when it comes to comprehension or understand. I should very well be sailing free at this point… and yet I’m not. In fact last night I got reduced to something quite minuscule.
If I truly am the academic superman, that would also mean that I have my weakness. Superman is the personification of power and might, and yet a simple green stone can drop the man to the ground with agonizing pain. I am no different, academically I have my kryptonite. It is procrastination.
This is a concept that I believe around 80% of post-secondary students feel they are masters of, but… again at the risk of sounding conceited… you ain’t ever seen me at work. I’ve literally left an entire semester of work to be done in the next three days I’ve failed to complete a lot of the assignments that were due prior to now, making the upcoming projects crucial to my continued enrollment to the College of the North Atlantic.
Yes, you heard me right. I am academically unscathed by any complicated ideal or messed up topic that can confuse even the most intelligent students, nothing is difficult for me… and yet my procrastination and laziness have put me in a sink or swim situation. It’s really embarrassing to say. Considering by now I should be top of my program.
Anyway, this is an entry about Vulnerability. I’m writing it essentially because last night i was overwhelmed by anxiety for the first legit time in my life, at least first time due to academics. I sat in the computer chair in the newsroom thinking to myself that I have 14 hours remaining until a major presentation is due, and I just couldn’t bring myself around to starting. I felt anxious, as if I was losing control of my own nerves. Not only that, I sent numerous texts to various “friends” in my life, only to get no response from most, and busy-replies from the others. I felt completely alone, and it felt like I was fighting a losing battle of self-control in my own my own body.
Luckily, eventually I got a response back from Johnny. He and Jawsh then accompanied me to McDonald’s. This statement should mean something to those of you close to me because I quit fast food, but last night I had to break down and go with the guys. Later on after returning I was met with a Facebook-chat-slap-in-the-face from Jaymie White, and all of a sudden the gears were rolling and I commenced my project.
For those curious to how this story concludes. I finished my presentation at 8, talked to Roger at 8:30 asking him if I can still do the presentation even though the previous assignment wasn’t passed in yet (originally he said that you NEED to pass in the first one before you’re allowed to present). Roger showed mercy and allowed the presentation to go ahead and I feel comfortable with how it went. For one nights work I couldn’t have asked for a better showing.
But Vulnerability, it is such a debilitating entity. It doesn’t matter how strong you are, how smart you are… there is always something that you are vulnerable to. As I said, academically I found out last night that I am not immune… I have a very difficult road ahead of me this coming week, and last night taught me that I am not psychologically immune to the pressure that is going to land on me.
Has it every happened to you? Have you ever been so sure of something, only to find that your stable foundation is cracked and fragile? It’s a very surreal feeling. It was as if my body and mind were disconnected. I could hear myself in my head question what is going on. I could not figure out why my body was acting this way, why my heart was racing and panic was setting in. If not for Johnny, Jawsh, and Jaymie, I am uncertain if I would’ve been able to grasp control last night… I owe you guys.
You… you there at the keyboard reading this blog. I don’t care if you are a very meek person that is aware that you are not invincible, or if you look at this entry and roll your eyes thinking you could never let the pressure get to you. This is my proclamation to you and everyone else that will stumble across this blog…
You ARE Vulnerable.. at least to something. There is something that can and will crack that armor. The sooner you realize that you are not impervious to harm, the more capable you will be able to deal when the time comes.
You can be a 300 lbs body builder and a black belt in 3 different kinds of martial arts… one day someone WILL beat you. You can be the next Stephen Hawking (minus the wheelchair and voice-box) but eventually there will be something you WILL struggle with.
Everyone has their kryptonite. Mine is my disorganization and procrastination.. Whats yours?