It’s a strange time of year for a new season to start, but that is definitely what occurred last night. Last night there was a complete collapse of everything that has been hovering above me. It all came crashing down over me, leaving me with a clear vision of what I have going for me, and what I will never have in my life anymore. I know where I stand in life, and more importantly where I want to stand. These past few weeks I have been on a slow recovery to the person that I once was, but I believe last night was a sign that I have basically reached my destination.
This entry is more centralized on a certain concept though. One of friendship. What exactly defines a friend? I was under the impression that I didn’t have any, but then I got to thinking, what exactly are the duties of a friend? If I received a call from anyone, at anytime, unless there was a major reason preventing me, I would be there. I would do everything in my power to get to them and help, especially if they were asking.
I’ve realized that I can’t expect the same kind of mentality from the people I surround myself with now. I need to understand that the average person will be there for friends within reason, which really isn’t something I can fault anyone for, nor am I.
Everybody’s gotta learn sometime right?
I guess the real moral of this entry is simple. If you go through life measuring everyone and making yourself the standard for scrutiny, then you will find yourself greatly disappointed more often than not. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone, I just handle things differently.
I take my friendships seriously, especially when they are close ones. One time I had a friend in port aux port that I was worried about, it was like 1am. So I left a note for mom and dad, took the keys to their CRV and drove to port aux port to make sure she was okay…
In St. John’s I was playing poker and had about 500 dollars on the table in front of me, and my girlfriend called me upset. I couldn’t calm her down over the phone so I got up from the table and left to take care of her, leaving the money there because I couldn’t wait another 20 minutes for the deal to come back around to me so I could cash out.
I’m realizing that if I base everyone else on decisions like these, I will find myself disappointed most of the time.
This is a strange realization to come to, considering I pride myself in knowing my friends better than anyone, and most of them will agree that I do. Knowing and Judging are done with two different parts of the mind I guess, but it stops now. I’m not going to judge anyone anymore… as I said on Facebook, everyone is getting a clean slate.. (well almost everyone)
Last night was rough… there’s only been 2 other nights like that in recent memory… each time an epiphany followed. This is no different, albeit nothing new is in my mind but it is the kick I needed. In one of my recent entries I said that I found the motivation I needed, well right now I have the initiative. There’s going to be a lot of changes going in the in immediate future for me. My apologies in advance to anyone that was once important to me that is going to be left behind. I’m predicting that only my close friendships are going to survive this one, this is a time to start evaluating the people in my life…. and the people who I think shouldn’t be.
Anyway, take what you will from this. This entry has no purpose other than to get these thoughts out of my head and put them in a different medium.. and maybe this is going to be helpful for a couple of you to understand what’s going on in my head. I’ve burn some bridges, but the peace that is starting to seep into my pours right now overshadows any regret that may exist.
There’s going to be a brand new me that is going to be noticed around this town very shortly.
So in a sense.. this is a goodbye entry. The me that you all know right now, as you know him, is dying.
Anyway, enough ranting. I need to get out of this town, I’m going home.