– And Then I Felt The Water… –

Blindfolded and taken hostage by bank robbers, a bank manager fears for her life.  She is thrown in the back of a van and drove around for a little bit until she is let out of the vehicle and told to walk.  Her instruction is to keep walking until she feels the water on her toes.

She feared with every step that eventually she would be walking off of a cliff at any moment.  It was the longest walk of her life, even though it was maybe 10 steps on the shore in Boston.  She described the feeling once she actually reached the water with such overwhelming relief that even though this took place in a small scene of a two-hour movie… the line stuck with me.  “And then I felt the water.”

For some reason, the more I say it, the more I come to associate it with the epitome of relief.  Like the feeling you get when all of a sudden all the stress you feel is lifted and how you feel as though you’re soaring.

“…and then I felt the water”

I’m at a very strange emotional limbo with my own mind at the moment.  I don’t know what I am.

Happy?  Sad?  Furious?  I can’t seem to make sense, it feels like I am all of them at once.  Last night when Mikayla invited myself and Johnny to go see “The Town” at the Harmon, the description of the water spoke to me, and at least now I have words to articulate the frame of mind that I long to achieve.  I want that relief.

The only way I can think of obtaining this sort of peace is to achieve my goals.  I need to catch back up in school, I need to get control of the finances… to be able to look in a mirror and not be disgusted by the reflection… and what may seem as a trivial goal, but I need to get back to the table more.  I’ve spent too long away from the poker table that I’m beginning to understand that it is a core part of my personality.  I’ve had 3 games in the last week, and I can honestly quote Matt Damon from rounders when I say, “I’ve felt alive for the first time in a long time.”

Okay that’s not a direct quote, but basically that’s it.

“and then I felt the water”  –  it’s my endgame.  It’s where I want to end up.
Anyway, that’s been on my mind.  I got 30 mins till class, so I really must pack up.