Technically, it is October 18th, 1:50am. I am writing this blog before turning in to sleep. Tomorrow I must study as much as I can before writing my Newfoundland History midterm – an exam that I may potentially fail. Is this news? Not really. My performance up to this point does not warrant to produce any benefit. I will salvage this year I’m sure. But, this entry has a purpose.
It isn’t a social commentary on society. Nor will I dive into any psychological conundrums. It’s merely time for the conclusion of my reflections. Today was the anniversary of my birth. October 17th. Let’s just recap what went down.
To being, Birthdays ARE lame. I hate my birthday most years. It usually is a depressing reminder that my life was so much better once upon a time. For me it is usually the loneliest day of the year. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, things that I do indeed regret (even if that statement contradicts my earlier statement of never regret.) I’ve lost good friends, and girlfriends… I’ve alienated myself from some really pivotal people in my life, luckily for me I haven’t been too self-destructive to lose them all… yet. There are friends that I wish I could share this day with, when I look back on my life and see the great friends I once had, putting that in contrast with the distance I feel between even some of the closest people in my life right now, it is hard to be an optimist this time of year.
I was wrong though. A couple of friends this year took it upon themselves to remind me that although I have lost touch with a big part of myself… that I feel hollow… I still have my value. Einstein once said, “Strive not to be a success, but to be of value.” And after last night, I feel as though I am regaining a portion of my sense of self-worth. I think I’m finally beginning to advance towards my original self… the guy that would do the right thing, regardless of cost.
The party that was thrown for me was pretty large scale for the neighborhood, and almost got us evicted.. but since I still have the apartment, I tend to chalk that up to a sign that it was epic. Then the night progressed to Clancy’s and The Bar. It was a success, I legitimately felt like I actually belonged for the first time in a long time. So once again, I thank anyone who is reading this that showed up last night.
This entry is not a retelling of my birthday festivities though. It’s about the revelation I came too when I woke up this afternoon. It is October 17th and I am officially 25 years old. I’ve been talking about my “Mission” since the summer began. I was planning on returning to school as a completely transformed man. What better time is there to start a new goal in life then a birthday?
On my 26th birthday I’m making this proclamation. I WILL be able to look in the mirror and enjoy the reflection I see looking back at me. I’ve tried this so often in the past, but it’s time I make good. I’m not getting
younger, and I don’t want to waste the few years I have left to be youthful and enjoy this life before the strain of middle age starts eating away at me.
I set a mandate of 12 months. This time next year, You are going to see a brand new me. That is a promise.
The picture you see to the left is a picture taken last night. It is the most recent picture of myself that I have at the moment and it is my starting point. I’m hoping that this blog remains at least online for the next 12 months so that I can be able to report on the final tally when it comes time for birthday number 26.
But here we go. I refuse to let any other excuse or reason hold me back anymore. I am going to take control of my own life and finally strive to get what I am not only capable of, but what I deserve to have. I shouldn’t be scrounging around for the bottom of the barrel with everything. I should NOT be overweight… I don’t really have a slow metabolism or a medical condition for it.. it’s inactivity and a bad diet. I should NOT be anything but the top of our class in school. No offense to any classmate reading this entry, but there is literally nothing that we have ever done that I found remotely confusing or difficult. If I just showed up all the time and just put minimal effort into these assignments and exams I would be at the top of the class. I’m sure there isn’t many that will dispute this. I should NOT be making the selfish choices when I know what the right thing is. I am usually the moral standard of everyone’s perspective. I should not be letting drama get to me, I’m the dealer of it, I know how to make it go away, I need to regain my King of Resolving Drama crown…
There’s a LOT of work ahead of me, in so many ways. But, what better day to start it than now? After all, isn’t the old adage, “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” Carpe Diem guys, “Seize the Carp!”
No more excuses…