Good old Benjamin Franklin has said it best, in the most timeless of methods with five very simple words. “Honest is the Best Policy.” He’s right. So much of our world could be improved if we eliminate the ability to deceive. This entry is inspired by two different things. #1: The Invention Of Lying. A movie that takes place in a world where lying has not been invented and no one seems to have the ability to deceive at all. It’s actually more than just not lying, they literally have no inner monologue, they say what is on their mind at all times, until one guy learns how to lie. It is an interesting movie to watch. and #2, well let’s just say that I’ve been having issues with people in my life lately. In the last two months I’ve had a few instances in which conflict arose from people keeping things from me.
I know what you’re probably thinking. This sounds pretty self-absorbed, just because your friends with someone doesn’t mean they have to share every intricate moment of their life with you, some things are just none of your business. And to that I say, you are absolutely right. Everyone is open to live their own lives and it is absolutely true that they don’t have to share every detail with me (or any other friend for that matter) hell, God knows that I don’t blog about every tiny little event that happens in my life…
When I talk about someone keeping things from me, I’m talking about things that involve me. Before I moved into my apartment, I had a friend that was really close. It was a joy to talk to them. But, their opinion of my endgame… my goal, drove a rift between us. She thought I was trying to get something that I really wasn’t… and things just hasn’t been the same since. Why? Not because she thought that i was merely only speaking with her for one reason only, seeking one thing only… but not only did she not come to me with this, she turned to someone else… her loyalty now rests not in the friendship that we have, but in the one she turned to when she doubted me.
Then there’s the story of the friend that spent 3 months almost having an issue with me, but instead of coming to me about it… chose to avoid the issue… a.k.a avoid me. This story actually involves two friends that I am finding it difficult to hold onto at the moment. This have changed now, especially considering that this would’ve gone on indefinitely if i didn’t stumble across it while one party involved was drinking… I keep my composure, but I still have lingering suspicions in my mind about how long this would have gone on if I didn’t force the issue myself?
Then we have an incident that nearly tore me apart at the core. Being openly betrayed… used as leverage. I have a very flirtatious personality. Anyone that has known me for 10 minutes will realize this. It is all apart of the persona of confidence that I like to show the world. I flirt. Most times I don’t even realize I’m doing it, but I give everyone the same disclaimer… never take anything I say as an advance, when I advance on someone trust me… there’s a lot less subtle ways I would go about it. Maybe that’s another entry I can put up a guide so you can all differentiate between when I’m flirting and when I’m just being me…. anyway I digress. I had a friend… very flirtatious as well. We used to through back comments to and from… actually once upon a time we had a conversation about how funny it was that people just don’t seem to have a sense of humor, and people take the flirty jokes WAY too seriously… We both declared that there is no interest between each other… so I assumed everything was good… So, what happens? Her boyfriend catches a text I send that he perceives as me making an advance on his girlfriend. – As a good friend to me this is the part where she explains that it’s just joking and light hearted and I really have no interest in her because it has already been made VERY clear.. – oh wait no nevermind, that’s what I would’ve done.. I keep forgetting not everyone thinks the way I do. What does she do? Starts saying how I always do stuff like this and it makes her uncomfortable, and she texts a friend of mine telling him I’m saying all this junk… Not ONCE saying that everything was a joke, and she came back with similar comments all time.
I’ll admit there hasn’t been a time in the last 12 months that I felt so vindictive. See, I save all my MSN chat logs, my comp just does it by default. I was tempted to send the conversation to her BF on Facebook, and show him exactly what his little innocent girlfriend was saying back to me… which is odd if what I said to her “made her uncomfortable”….
Anyway, a conversation with her later and a bunch of different stories and backpedaling, and I tell her whatever. I’ll still talk to her, but our friendship will never be as it was. It’ll be a long time before I trust her again.
I kept the names out of these stories because I am not here to announce bad blood, and I’m not here trying to single anyone out. I just wanted to use some examples to show everyone the trend here.
I’m not sure if anyone was paying attention or remembers my epiphany that I had over the summer. But, I’m a man now of honesty or bust. That’s it. I’m tired of games, I’m tired of deceit. I tell everyone… just be honest. That’s it. Is it really that difficult of a concept. Let’s say for example that I’m getting close with a female… hypothetically we are starting to get “real” close. But tomorrow night she wants to hang out with a different friend and it’s a *gasp* dude. You need to realize, that I don’t care. If you want to go hang out with someone else, hell, even sleep with someone else.. I Don’t care. Just don’t lie to me about it. You tell me whats on the go and I’ll be fine.
If you’re my friend, and you got beef with me. There’s something that I do, or something I said that you really don’t like, and you have a problem with me. Don’t sit there and bitch to your other buddies, or silently stay in the shadow letting the beef expand and grow.. come up to me and talk about it. I don’t care what it is, whether it’s something really stupid that I’ll probably initially laugh at, or something uber serious that i will apologize for. Just tell me.
A good example of how that dynamic is working right now is Clancy’s. I was with Adam and Johnny, Me and Adam were both feeling the booze, and johnny just got there and had a couple as well. Johnny was starting to trash talk Adam about a game of pool that we were talking about putting some money on, and he said something wrong that really set off Adam. Something he probably shouldn’t have said but my understanding of the situation is that it was something that Johnny had no way of knowing he shouldn’t have said. Anyway, Adam started getting pissed (a mixture of what johnny said and the booze). So I kind’ve take a step closer to them, and tell Adam to calm to the fuck down and of course he doesn’t… Johnny essentially tells me it’s cool and him and Adam after like 2 minutes are best kind again.
I left the pool table and stepped down to the bar because I knew that the two of them were fine, and all was good. But when we’re out at Clancy’s or.. well any bar really. I make it clear, the only person allowed to fuck with Johnny is me. haha like when he wanted to track down the uber-socially-awkward “friend” that we all know… Johnny wanted to crack the guys skull so I kind’ve had to stop him by saying that if he wanted to fight, he’s gonna have to fight me lol.
Anyway. It’s instinctual now, if Adam was a stranger that mouthed off like that, I would’ve stayed there, and the first sign of a swing would’ve prompted me to step in the middle. So, knowing that they were going to be okay I went to the bar to get a drink because I really didn’t want to punch out Adam haha. Adam is by far the best friend I got in Journalism, the dude is right on. (Although Paul is pretty cool too).
Adam came up to me asking if there was a problem.. I said lets take it outside. We went outside where I could hear myself think. I explained everything to him that I just explained to you, and we were fine.
Honesty. – Three friends, one says something stupid without realizing it… they both talk it out. Then Me and him talked it out. That’s how it works. I didn’t just stay quiet and wait weeks without resolving it, which could’ve just ended up in something building up for no reason and could’ve led to a rift between me and Adam.
People you need to understand that if there is a problem, it there are issues.. Deal with them. When I tell you that Honesty is my most important virtue. It is the aspect of the human persona that I hold above all others, and it is only through dishonesty that I can be hurt.
Tell me a lie, and tell me you don’t trust me. There is nothing you can do or say to me that will cause more harm than that.
That being said, I want to again make sure this rings true. Albeit the last few weeks I find myself quite empty and without purpose.. but I have never been of a better mindset than when I adopted this concept. So if it hasn’t been made clear yet, if you are a friend of mine (and If you’re not chances are you’re not reading this anyway) it doesn’t matter what you do, just be honest with me and we’ll be fine.
Try it. –