Thanksgiving. It’s a long weekend for most, and a weekend for most people have the luxury of having a huge turkey dinner. The idea behind this holiday is that it is supposed to be the one day of the year where we sit and reflect on everything that we are thankful for. All that is going right in our lives and the people that we share it with. I mean, there is the standard… I’m thankful for loving parents, for good friends, for health.. etc. I mean I can’t say that I really have nothing to be thankful for, nor will I. Lately though, the things to be thankful for are being outnumbered by those that are gone wrong.
This is essentially a continuation of the last rant I typed up for this blog. Hopefully I’ll return to writing concept-based entries where I rant about some aspect of personality or life and give my two cents on what I think… but right now it’s very difficult to see things straight.
I struggle to find solace in the things I should be thankful for. I know I have it better than a lot of people in some ways, but I can’t even get my rational mind to consider it. I look towards thanksgiving and I see all the things that have happened that I am not thankful for. Some things I have done myself, some were done to me… others were just misunderstandings.
There are so many stressful circumstances that I face. Mid-terms this week that I haven’t prepared for. Friends that I’m pretty sure I have lost recently, very good friends or so I thought. The fact that I am dying right now with the flu (for those that know me, know that I don’t get sick… it just doesn’t happen. So the few times it do happen it comes on strong). Put on top of that my overall lack of understanding of who I really am… I feel most lost today then I do thankful.
I just can’t seem to make sense of anything at the moment. I pride myself in having a very rational and (mo
st times) wise mind, but right now it’s just a jumble of haunting memories, fragmented sentiments, and emotions that should be buried. It really sucks that I am writing an entry like this because it does sound like I have nothing to be thankful for, but it’s just a mindset I am right n
ow.. my internal pessimist is coming to the surface….. but there are things to be thankful for.
I got parents that will (and have in the past) do anything for me, all I need to do is ask.
I do have good friends, one in particular that I consider to be my best (who better wake up soon because we’re going to st.g’s for turkey soon)
I’m behind in school, however I’m thankful that I have the intelligence that it really will not take me too long to catch up. All I need is a little effort.
I’m thankful that there are people I can turn to if I need too… even if I can’t turn to those that used to be there for me in the past.
There are a lot that is going right in my life that I can’t turn a blind eye too… but these things aren’t enough to overshadow the empty abysmal feeling I get when I look at who I have become…
Once again I apologize to any reader that actually read this whole entry. I’m making a promise now that my next post will fall back into the category of social commentary, and not whiny rant.
Happy Turkey Day People.