– I Can Change… Or Can I? –

A leopard can’t change its spots. A zebra can’t change its stripes. An asshole can’t change him ways. Seems to be undisputed fact.  Actually it is a fact that I have been pretty vocal about especially lately.  So here I go, let’s talk about the assholes.

Assholes

Well we know who I’m talking about.  The guys are the bar that’s looking at your breasts while asking for your number, or gives the waitress that ever-so-playful squeeze of the ass cheek as she turns away from the table.  He is the boorish guy that brags about scoring with this vulnerable, heartbroken girl he met at the bar last night and has a grand old laugh that he told her he would call and yet has no interest in ever seeing her again.  It’s the guys that throw their girls around, and not in the playful fore-play kind of way.  He’s the guy that tells his girlfriend that a poker game is far too important to him to give her a ride home from work, when they both work at the same place and get off the same time.

A disclaimer on this, I will fairly harsh on the male population in this entry, and I do not exclude myself from the ranks of the accused.  I’ve made endless references to it, just ask Danielle about me. She’ll tell you that I am not being too hard on myself.. all criticism is justified.

So why does it happen?  Well I’ll tell you.  There is a very minuscule demographic of the male population that does not fit into the description of asshole.  There’s a bunch of different categories of assholes, but basically we all fit into one of them.

The Abuser

I’m starting with the worst kind, because through recent activity with a friend of mine this one is fresh on my mind.  There are two types of abuser.  The Verbal and the Physical.  Both I believe should be removed from the general population and confined to a very small room by themselves cut off from human contact until they all just die out.  These are the ones that use their words to break a girl down to the point where there is nothing left of herself… once they get to this point, the girl might was well put on a collar with her name and address on it (in case she gets lost) and crawl around on all fours because she is merely a pet.. a toy for the asshole.  Like a horse needs to be broken… women can experience it too.  Once it happens that guy has an incredible hold over her to where she knows she wants to get away, knows she has to get away and yet don’t want to (or at least don’t believe she wants to).  She’s stuck.

I’ve made somewhat of a career of removing friends of mine that have found themselves in the position.  When I was younger I made it my own personal crusade to learn the plays.. to figure out what makes these assholes tick, what makes them so effective at getting their victim… err I mean women.  I’ve grown to assimilate this information and I have been using it for years now to cock-block as many of those idiots that I possible can.  Abusers are the worst of the worst and are nothing but a stain on the human race that makes the rest of us look terrible.

The Player

Here is public enemy number #2.   He can be just as dangerous as the abuser, and sometimes they are even one in the same.  But a Player is dangerous because although an abuser will tell you that you are garbage, and hit you… the player will build up your confidence. He will tell you how beautiful you are, and tell you everything he possibly can come up with to get you, in the bed, on your back.  The issue here, is that once it’s done mission accomplished.  If you’re a good lay he’ll probably keep you in mind and come around here and there. But he does not give a shit about how you feel, if your upset he is more likely to say “grow the fuck up” or “deal with it yourself, I’m busy.”  He wants to get his skin and that’s all that matters.  The Danger falls when he stalks the prey and gives her confidence.  He gives her a boost to such a high level that everything feels so amazing to her, until she finds out that he is really only interested in sex and doesn’t believe a single word he has said.  The boost he gives, gets taken out from underneath her without warning and she crashes.

Players make women feel like pieces of meat, and the absolute worst ones make the women feel incredible…… before making them feel like pieces of meat which makes it Way worse.

The Player is the type of asshole that i tailored my personality around trying to stop.  I know this sounds really cheesy, but I spend a lot of time learning their plays, they habits, and I consider myself a very effective anti-player, contrary to what has been said about me.  It is true that I have been accused of actually being a player, but there is no point in time where I was deceiving to anyone.

The Neglectful

This is the one that is most dear to me, mainly because this is me. I was completely neglectful and I didn’t even notice how much it was hurting the girl I was with.

Danielle Price is the name of the girl I was going out with.  I understand how unattractive it is for a guy to talk about ex’s so much but it’s the best way i can illustrate my point.  Danielle was a sweet girl, actually considering the guy I was at the time I don’t think i could’ve asked for a better girlfriend.  She was understanding, we never really fought about a whole lot, with a couple of exceptions.  Poker was an issue, but this was back in my days of tunnel-vision, I was working towards my ambition of the World Series and nothing else was in sight.  It caused some problems.  The point is, Danielle was not happy in the entire second half of the relationship because I did completely neglect her.

The Neglectful asshole is the one that completely takes for granted the girl he is with.  I never thought that me and Danielle would break up for good, but here I am 3 years later.  I’m not hung up on her or anything, however I do look back on the relationship and feel terrible about what I put her through.  It was so bad actually that I carried a reminder with me afterwards.  A small bracelet (looked like a medic alert one) that had “I’m Sure” engraved on it.

Our song was “Sure Enough” by Chris Cummings.  Basically the song’s meaning is, “I’m Not Sure of a lot of things, but when It comes to loving you I’m “”Sure Enough”””  Yeah, So anyway.  I had a bracelet for Danielle engraved that said, “I’m Not Sure Enough, I’m Sure.”  but we ended up fighting and i pawned it.  We ended up getting back together and I always felt like garbage because of it.  So after the final break up I got the “I’m Sure” bracelet and wore it everywhere to remind myself to never do that again… and I believe It worked… which brings me to the main point of this entry.

Can The Asshole Change?

Once upon a time this would have been a clear and definitive NO from me.  But I can’t.  I can’t bring myself to say that anymore.  If I’m going to name names, well I’ll say this.  Peter McCann.. yep. He’s an asshole.  That’ll never change.  Umm.  Joel(he Pronounced it Joelle, bahaha) Norris is and will always be an asshole.  But, there are times when change is possible.  It isn’t something that happens often, and it isn’t something that happens easily overnight.

I’ve changed…  – Wow, did I actually admit that?  I Never admit that.
But I did.  I am NOT the man who crushed Danielle.  I did break up with Candace and that did hurt her, but when I look on the relationship as a whole I do NOT feel like I was a bad boyfriend, and I think I’m not the only person who will agree on that one.

Holy shit though this is a breakthrough.  It took a rant on assholes, but I am finally admitting that I’m not one of them anymore.

Ha ha ha.

There is a method to this assumption though.  Me and Danielle broke up once for a few months but got back together, when we got back together it was the same problems.  It was doomed to fail, but when it failed and I felt so terrible about how everything went… and realized that Scott had swooped in and took her on the night I lost her, I knew I was never getting her back.  It is the guilt that followed that allowed me to become who I am now.  I told Danielle after I realized this that even if she wanted me back afterall I wouldn’t take her.  I had to lose her, to learn my lesson.  And I did.

So essentially it takes a permanent loss of something very dear… but a transformation can be done.  It didn’t happen overnight. But after about a year I was back to a sane mind and I got with Candace, and like i said i know it ended, but I consider that relationship as a success… even if it didn’t last as long as it should have.

I know I’m a good person.  I guess I really needed to type that after this past week.  I didn’t write another blog about it, but the “here for you” entry… things with her got much worse, and I really am done now.  I’ve given up trying to help her and truth be told it was plaguing my mind for the last few days.  I feel like I was giving up too easy, that maybe if I stick it out longer I could help, I felt like an asshole because I was leaving a very close friend to her misery…. but then I realized that trying to help her only ended up with her trying to make ME miserable.

Hanging out last night after Open Mic and just talking about a lot of different topics, this particular one came up.  I explained some of the situation and said I was giving up on her, to which point one of the people there said, “No you should still try”  (that’s not what she said but that was the jist.. basically don’t give up)  At which point a very important person to me piped up and said “me and him won’t be friends if he doesn’t give up”…   normally that kind of line would be met with a spiteful look from me where I would say, “eff you I’ll do what I please.”  but not this time.  Not sure if it was because of the person that said it, or the fact I knew they were right.

I’m Not An Asshole.  I’m Not An Asshole.  wow.. I can really type that.
These blogs are so therapeutic

BTW: Do you like the video?  Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless mind is a great movie 😉

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