This is a topic that I truly can’t believe I haven’t ranted about yet. It only really hit me this morning, but this is another area that I can get rather passionate about. Everyone has that one friend that seems like they have been in the middle of everyone’s business. When things are fine this friend is very scarce, but any dramatic event occurs and they are the first on the scene.
First I’m going to put this out there because there are already people who are misunderstanding what I am trying to say because just based on that previous paragraph it could be interpreted that I am talking about myself. Whenever the fecal matter hits the fan, I tend to be around ground zero. There IS a difference. Yes, I have a Hero Complex, I am there for those that need me, people come to me… a Hero Complex is NOT when you have to be involved in absolutely everything, and then start talking about everything to everyone.
There are two key things that separate myself from the meddler that I’m speaking about.
#1, for the most part I do NOT go looking. The reason I tend to be at the base of most drama when it comes to my friends is because the people close to me understand that for the most part, there is no situation that I cannot provide at least some solace or insight into. They come to me, and I am there for them. If there is an issue that is very extreme to the point where the person won’t ask for the help but its evident that then want it… I will intervene myself.
The Meddler is someone who is not only always around and always there, (I’m going to say HE, but this applies to both genders), he is lurking around and at the slightest hint that there MAY be some kind of issue he is there.
The main issue is that he is there when there really isn’t anything that warrants such action… and in doing so, can set into motion events that will lead to a situation. . . the tragic part of this is that sometimes people don’t even notice this, all they recognize is that the meddler was there before the drama started trying to help so he must be a great guy to turn too… not realizing that there’s a strong chance he inadvertently caused it in the first place.
I know a meddler, someone who just has to be involved in everything. Names will not be mentioned, nor will gender, I will continue just saying HE to make sure there’s no confusion.
Putting yourself in the middle of a situation does NOT make you a helpful person. There are situations where waiting on the sidelines for the dust to settle is the best course of action.
There are also circumstances that your two cents is really unwelcome, especially if you are the type that will draw conclusions based on whatever information is available to you.
Not only that, there’s this part as well… there’s a trust issue. Because the Meddler is someone who is usually on your side, while you’re talking to them, but when talking to the other party involved he’s on their side. Like, that’s the biggest pet peeve I have on this topic. The meddler I know is someone who is a good friend when I’m talking, but it’s funny that there have been countless times from a near endless amount of sources that I can think of, where I was informed of things this meddler has said about me… but of course, when you confront them, it’s an entirely different story.
You can’t get yourself involved in everyone’s problems, AND be the type of person to just go along with whatever someone is telling you if they are the only person in the room.
The funniest thing is that this meddler seems to not even realize that it’s being done this way, so how can I be angry? It would be like yelling at a skitzo for something their other personality done… they wouldn’t know any better.
Also, I’m thinking in this particular case… I wouldn’t be so vexed on this issue if only this particular meddler wasn’t hiding under the guise of helping, because when they are “working” they sound supportive and like they know what they’re talking about. When they don’t.
I’m not a confident man. I generally would never legitimately believe that I do anything better than anyone else… here’s where I can make an exception. This meddler does not know how to take care of this drama. They lacks the ability to differentiate the persona they wants to put off, the phony-personality that they want the world to see… one of those people who if you make up something off the top of your head, and talk about it like it was something that EVERYONE knew about back in the day.. he all of a sudden remembers it too.
There is a lack of sincerity there, and that’s what really gets to me when this meddler does their thing. So maybe this rant should more be aimed at, Unless you know what you’re doing, stop meddling. Man this is a topic I could go on forever about.
Drawing conclusions based on rumor… making assumptions based on minimal amount of evidence… and the worst, never confronting the source of the matter, these are the crimes of the meddler type vs the hero complex. I do NOT seek out drama, it just finds me. It finds me because I know how to deal with it for the most part (at least when its other people)….
The meddler is there because he yearns for it, maybe the best was to describe the meddler is to describe myself in high school… I helped because it was the best was I could fit in with everyone… I’m older now, that is far from the case. Even back then though, I knew what I was doing.
So just to Recap –
If there is something going on you need to realize not everyone needs your two cents. There are only a few select few people who I would go out of my way to aid. The highway to hell is paved with good intentions, and just speaking from personal experience, almost every time this particular meddler got involved in my affairs (on the times when I didn’t include them) it never turned out good. Terrible advice, and most times I find out.. well lets just say this meddler isn’t the most closed-lipped person I know.
If you’re not brought on board, just stay away. If you lack the ability to empathize and understand what other people emote to you, then you should just refer them to someone else, you won’t be able to help.