– Forgive Me, For Giving A Damn –

This is the last entry that I am going to write about a particular female that has been exiled from my life.  She will rationalize our last conversation as a terrible experience that resulted in another one of her friends giving up on her.  Frankly, I don’t care at the moment what her impression is of what happened anymore.  She will villify me, it’ll make it easier for her to ignore the fact that it is actually her that has turned her back on someone who was there for her indescriminately for about 8 years now.

It’s NOT my loss.  I just keep repeating that to myself and surprisingly it makes it easier.  Thing is, I was here actually doing my work.  Writing up on the overdue Nanuk Blogs [http://www.cna.nl.ca/nanuk/] when on my groveshark playlist “Forgive Me, For Giving A Damn” came on, and it got me thinking of her.  I did everything I could to help, and got accused of not even caring for her… Then I was made to feel guilty for realizing that at this point in her life she’s too far gone for anyone’s help. 

I don’t feel bad anymore.  I know that there is a part of her, deep underneath the propaganda that has been inserted by the asshole-boyfriend, where she knows that it doesn’t matter how many years pass by… anytime she reaches out to me, I will outstretch my hand and reach for her as well… the issue now is that she’s too far away… the distance between us is too great and my arm is not long enough to reach her.

I wish there was a better way for her to learn her lesson than just leaving her to her own burdens…  but  as Doc Walker is saying right now, Forgive Me for Giving a Damn.

I understand that I’m running the risk of sounding really repetitive, especially since I think this is the third rant where I’ve basically said the same thing about the same girl in the same fucked up situation… but this entry truly is the last nail in the coffin.  My hand is still here for her, but I ain’t extending it any further, she has got to reach now.


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