– Enlightened By Flame –

The location?  Black Bank Saturday night.  A gang of us went out camping.  There was approximately 25 of us in total, and it was a pretty fun time.  The guitar was taken and there was music being played well into the early Sunday morning.  All in all a good weekend. 

Of course, I am now beyond broke with MAYBE enough money to keep me going in gas until I gets paid again, maybe I wouldn’t have spent as much money if I could go back and change things… however as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a person that carries regrets.  It’s all forwards for me. 

I am not sure why, but while sitting on the cooler and watching the fire burn my brain started spinning.  I started pondering things like my life, and where I am right now.  Have you ever had a moment like that? When you just escape your body and look back on yourself, seeing what you have become.  

Eden asked me if anything was wrong, I informed her I was just tired and No that wasn’t a lie.  But, I think I looked a little more exhausted because psychologically I am.  This is a sentiment that I have expressed to Jeff already, but I looked back again and had a very vivid image of what my life has become, and I’m exhausted.  

There is so much I wanted to achieve by now, a respectful-reflection in the mirror being one of them.  I shouldn’t be a bottom feeder, I need to get myself out of the rut that I found myself in.  

There is no real theme or category for this rant.  This is literally just spilling the thoughts from my head.  My distaste for the life I am living at the moment.  My disappointment for where I am right now, vs where I could be.  

Luckily I’m still young enough to do something about it.  Day One of the whole Physical Re-imagining started today, and I think I’m going to be changing in a lot of areas, for instance, this work stuff.  It’s time to take it a lot more serious and I will need to get production on the go.  When I return to school I’m going to have to take that seriously as well.  

No more bottom feeding. 

The last epiphany I had educated me on who I became, and reminded me of who I was.  I’ve since been fairly successful with bringing that guy back to the surface.. with the added feature of still not putting up with Bullshit (I never had that trait before).   I don’t know if I can call Saturday night an epiphany, there was no huge dramatic moment, just overall being lost in the flames while I think about life.  

I’ve already fell right back into my role of Therapist.  I’m back in a comfortable enough state that I’m not afraid to give someone my opinion when they ask for help… although maybe that is just the newfound honest-system that I seemed to have adopted.  I don’t know.  The point is, I like who I am.  It’s time I start working on what I am… both Physically and Career-wise.

It isn’t so much a huge revelation, but my eyes are open.  My priorities are in order and hopefully over this next 12 months I will be able to do something with this excuse of a life.

So to make this short.. basically I just made a rant about that mission that I’ve already explained to you guys earlier.  I simply had to vent about why I’m doing it. 

Hey, I said from the start this isn’t something that I’m putting up to get read, although looking at the views there is some of you actually reading it so I’m trying to do what I can to cater, and not be too incoherent.

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