– You’re Such A Good Friend:The Story Of The Friend Zone –

– You’re Such A Good Friend:The Story Of The Friend Zone –

Ladies in particular, but Gentlemen there are occurences of females being at the mercy of this phenomenon.  Today I rant about “The Friend Zone”.  It is a vile place that lurks inside everyone, and once you are trapped there, you cannot escape.This rant was inspired about the memory of Robyn Bedo’s going away party at Clancys.  There was a toast by Lenny where he mentioned this dreaded zone.  “And Robyn said it, “I love you Lenny……. like a brother.” And once she said that I know… I was in the friend zone”.   At which point Miss Eden Swyers walked up to the mic and said, “Being in the friend zone is not that bad.”  

This is the point where I realize, that not everyone truly grasps the feeling if being trapped in that abysmal crevice of someones mind.  There isn’t anything fun about being the friend zone.  Nothing at all. 

First issue I want to bring up is that there is a behemoth of a difference between being in the friend zone and being “trapped” in the friend zone.  I guess maybe that is where the confusion lies.  “trapped, stuck, confined” when you use words like this to describe the friend zone then you are experiencing what I am talking about. 

Eden Swyers, Carrie Harvey, Kim Nippard, all girls that I would consider myself in the friend zone with.  The thought of anything beyond friendship is not appealing to me in the least.  I wouldn’t consider myself trapped there though, because it is where I want to be. 

 The problem lies in when the emotion is not the same.  If you get in the friend zone with someone who you like, that you want to be more than friends with… that’s when you discover how the Friend Zone can prove to be the cause of one of the worst feelings a human being can feel… 

Missing someone, longing for someone, who is right in front of you the whole time and you can’t do anything about it.  I have found myself in the friend zone in the past.  

Stephanie Hatch for one, ha ha I was interested in her when we worked at A&W and I was stoked that we were going to start ICT in the same class too.  But, quickly I discovered I would never be more than a friend to her, it hurt for a while.  

Hell for those that known me for a while I used to have the biggest crush on Myra Tobin back in high school.  But once again I became a victim to the friend zone.  

I could keep going but I”m sure you all get the point.  The friend zone is this plutonic void that exist inside the personality of someone and they place the people there that they are closest with.  The issue that arises when someone is placed in the friend zone of someone they are crushing on is that once you are in the friend zone the person loses all ability to ever see you as more than a friend.  You lost her bud.. time to move on.  

Now that we have discussed what exactly it means to be in the friend zone. 

Being in the friend zone doesn’t seem like a cruel fate to everyone, but if you really look, you’ll see that people who don’t understand how devastating the “I like you as friend” line can be, are the people who just finished placing someone in that zone.  Someone who doesn’t quite understand,  

“Whats wrong with being good friends?”  Whats wrong?  Well like I said make yourself really hungry like starve yourself for 2 weeks… then take your favorite food and lock it up in a glass case that you can’t penetrate.  Then “Clockwork Orange” yourself where you restrain your head so it can’t move, and have little hooks keeping your eyelids open so you have to stare at it.. for ever.  That is a small taste of what the friend zone feels like. 

There’s nothing pleasant about the experience, but it is a good learning tool though.  I’m not an expert on staying out of the friend zone so I understand me giving tips on staying out is pretty vain but I will either way. There are two main points that need to be addressed. 

#1.  Your Appearance.  Oh I can imagine the responses I’m going to get about this one, but I am going to say this foremost.  The biggest contributing factor that diverts quality guys to the friendzone with girls is the way they look.  When you have all the personality traits that they are looking for in a guy but you just happen to look goofy or overweight or really bad acne… whatever… she puts you in the friend zone.  You’re a great template that she can use to find a good-looking guy with your traits, but in the meantime enjoy having you around.  (This applies to guys and girls, I’m just not saying guy/girl every time) 

#2. The Pursuit – In an earlier entry about nice guys I made reference to girls liking the chase.  Truthfully, that is how it seems for just about them all.  If you lay all your cards on the table and just let everything all out from the start… she has no chase, no excitement, so unless she was already interested and just looking for an opportunity..you’ve failed.  She will tell you how sweet you are, and how good of a friend you are, and you are stuck in the zone. 

The point of the matter is this.  As debilitating as the Friend Zone is and although when you get stuck in it you feel like you have just lost out on the best opportunity of your life.  You can’t view it that way. 

Chances are this girl may have awesome friends… I mean if you are attracted to her, usually like-minded females hang out together so you could very well end up meeting someone else through her.  

She can be a good friend to you even though that’s not what you wanted… there really isn’t anything wrong with friendship.  

“The Friend Zone” has been the enemy of successful hook ups since we could think for ourselves.  It is a known evil that can be defeated if given proper skill and a lot of luck. 

My goal, well I’m getting pretty tired of the friend zone winning so I’m just going to use this rant combined with the Weight Of The World entry, as fuel for my constitution about this weight-loss and reshaping plan I have. 

Wow… I just tried to explain the concept to a friend of mine on MSN while typing this… it really came out pretty confused. I got to take a second a rephrase that. 


Okay I think she understand now. 

Where was I?  … Oh Yeah. 

 The Friend Zone – The void that all failed attempts end up.  Where she can no longer look at you as anything other than a friend and that is the way you’ll remain.  The thought of doing something with a person in the friend zone is a gross thought to her. It is the enemy if you are aiming for something that you want.  You need to learn as much as you can without getting too close, you need to understand what she wants, and see if you are indeed what she wants… do not try to be something that you’re not.  That will end up landing you in the dog house when your facade fails.  

 If you get to know someone and find out that you are what they are looking for.  Remember that there is a difference between the way someone acts towards a friend, and acts towards a romantic interest…. treat her like a friend and you are on your way to the Zone.  Treat her too much like a romantic interest and depending on how interested she is with you, you could scare her off.  Take time.  Ponder your options.  And Find the happy medium.Okay well anyway, this talking on MSN while bloggin throws what little coherent thought I have for a loop.  So I’m going to end this believing that I’ve said all that I want to.  If not, you’ll be hearing from me.

– Forgive Me, For Giving A Damn –

This is the last entry that I am going to write about a particular female that has been exiled from my life.  She will rationalize our last conversation as a terrible experience that resulted in another one of her friends giving up on her.  Frankly, I don’t care at the moment what her impression is of what happened anymore.  She will villify me, it’ll make it easier for her to ignore the fact that it is actually her that has turned her back on someone who was there for her indescriminately for about 8 years now.

It’s NOT my loss.  I just keep repeating that to myself and surprisingly it makes it easier.  Thing is, I was here actually doing my work.  Writing up on the overdue Nanuk Blogs [http://www.cna.nl.ca/nanuk/] when on my groveshark playlist “Forgive Me, For Giving A Damn” came on, and it got me thinking of her.  I did everything I could to help, and got accused of not even caring for her… Then I was made to feel guilty for realizing that at this point in her life she’s too far gone for anyone’s help. 

I don’t feel bad anymore.  I know that there is a part of her, deep underneath the propaganda that has been inserted by the asshole-boyfriend, where she knows that it doesn’t matter how many years pass by… anytime she reaches out to me, I will outstretch my hand and reach for her as well… the issue now is that she’s too far away… the distance between us is too great and my arm is not long enough to reach her.

I wish there was a better way for her to learn her lesson than just leaving her to her own burdens…  but  as Doc Walker is saying right now, Forgive Me for Giving a Damn.

I understand that I’m running the risk of sounding really repetitive, especially since I think this is the third rant where I’ve basically said the same thing about the same girl in the same fucked up situation… but this entry truly is the last nail in the coffin.  My hand is still here for her, but I ain’t extending it any further, she has got to reach now.

– Direction Of Life-

To succeed in this world you need ambition.  You need that one thing that you are passionate about to keep you going.  Either you find work with it, or you find a great hobby that alleviates the stress from the workplace.  But without the one big passion, I don’t think someone can be successful. 

Mine?  … Well, I guess that’s truly the purpose of this entry.  I don’t know what mine is anymore.  I have been so bogged down with all the bullshit drama that was going on in my life, that I have simply lost touch. 

There were two major ambitions that I have had.  Music being one.  I enjoyed going to clancys and playing, and it was great, now not so much.  I don’t want to blame it on open mic, but it is had to put the finger of blame anywhere else. I played so often, that my binder with a few hundred songs all felt over played.  The more I played, the more people got used to hearing me play and the more mediocre I felt. 

I don’t consider myself a great musician, and I don’t think I ever will.  My confidence in my ability was never great to begin with, but with a few exceptions, I think I’ve got even less confidence in that now because of open mic.  Like I said, everything felt over played, and I always had this thought in my head that people were tired of hearing me.  I still feel like that actually, I think that’s why the show didn’t go ahead on the weekend, and why the only real reason I even play songs at open mic if because I know how Kim enjoys having a break. 

I legitimately do not enjoy playing anymore. 

Actually it goes back to the reason I learned to play in the first place.  Being told that I wasn’t “Smart, good-looking, or funny” and that I should learn to play guitar to be cool somewhat stuck with me.  I had no social skills, I was a weak-minded peon.  The thought of going up to someone and talking was completely out of the question. 

These days, if I want to talk to someone, it’s just a matter of walking up and saying “Hey”.  No need to be worried, no need to hold back.  The worst that can happen is they tell you they don’t want to talk.  Maybe I outgrew my guitar?  I don’t need it as a crutch to socialize anymore so it is outliving it’s usefulness.  It pains me to say that especially since it’s more than likely that this is an issue of just being burnt out.  I’ll be back to playing for myself eventually. 

Stacey did teach me something yesterday though concerning this topic.  I still have a way to go about this shyness.  She completely floored me in the mall parking lot. 
We were driving around and there  was a van in front of use with Newfie flags painted in the windows, and yet they had a Yukon plate.  Stacey immediately said, “they are newfies that moved to the Yukon, because only Newfies paint the flag like that”.  I simply said it COULD be that they are from the Yukon but enjoy Newfoundland so much that they painted those images…

It is a debate that went on until the van stopped at the mall parking lot, where Stacey proceeded to get out of the car and walk up to the van and ask them.

She was right of course, but that’s not the point of the story.  The point is, I have a way to go with this whole self-confident thing.  I don’t think there is any way I could’ve gone up and done that.  Actually, I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t have been able to.  We would’ve stayed speculating.

I wish I could know for certain why is it that I lost my will to play.  I hope it is just a phase, maybe I just need to recharge.

The second ambition?? Well I’ll save that one for another entry.  Anyone close to me will already be able to guess what that is though.

– Enlightened By Flame –

The location?  Black Bank Saturday night.  A gang of us went out camping.  There was approximately 25 of us in total, and it was a pretty fun time.  The guitar was taken and there was music being played well into the early Sunday morning.  All in all a good weekend. 

Of course, I am now beyond broke with MAYBE enough money to keep me going in gas until I gets paid again, maybe I wouldn’t have spent as much money if I could go back and change things… however as I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a person that carries regrets.  It’s all forwards for me. 

I am not sure why, but while sitting on the cooler and watching the fire burn my brain started spinning.  I started pondering things like my life, and where I am right now.  Have you ever had a moment like that? When you just escape your body and look back on yourself, seeing what you have become.  

Eden asked me if anything was wrong, I informed her I was just tired and No that wasn’t a lie.  But, I think I looked a little more exhausted because psychologically I am.  This is a sentiment that I have expressed to Jeff already, but I looked back again and had a very vivid image of what my life has become, and I’m exhausted.  

There is so much I wanted to achieve by now, a respectful-reflection in the mirror being one of them.  I shouldn’t be a bottom feeder, I need to get myself out of the rut that I found myself in.  

There is no real theme or category for this rant.  This is literally just spilling the thoughts from my head.  My distaste for the life I am living at the moment.  My disappointment for where I am right now, vs where I could be.  

Luckily I’m still young enough to do something about it.  Day One of the whole Physical Re-imagining started today, and I think I’m going to be changing in a lot of areas, for instance, this work stuff.  It’s time to take it a lot more serious and I will need to get production on the go.  When I return to school I’m going to have to take that seriously as well.  

No more bottom feeding. 

The last epiphany I had educated me on who I became, and reminded me of who I was.  I’ve since been fairly successful with bringing that guy back to the surface.. with the added feature of still not putting up with Bullshit (I never had that trait before).   I don’t know if I can call Saturday night an epiphany, there was no huge dramatic moment, just overall being lost in the flames while I think about life.  

I’ve already fell right back into my role of Therapist.  I’m back in a comfortable enough state that I’m not afraid to give someone my opinion when they ask for help… although maybe that is just the newfound honest-system that I seemed to have adopted.  I don’t know.  The point is, I like who I am.  It’s time I start working on what I am… both Physically and Career-wise.

It isn’t so much a huge revelation, but my eyes are open.  My priorities are in order and hopefully over this next 12 months I will be able to do something with this excuse of a life.

So to make this short.. basically I just made a rant about that mission that I’ve already explained to you guys earlier.  I simply had to vent about why I’m doing it. 

Hey, I said from the start this isn’t something that I’m putting up to get read, although looking at the views there is some of you actually reading it so I’m trying to do what I can to cater, and not be too incoherent.