Willoughboy brought up the status of that ever so epic line,
This line has plagued my mind and thoughts for my entire life. It’s a concept that was drilled into my head at an early age and has led me to some very dark times.
As a youngster I never really thought much about it. I enjoyed doing things for everyone, never myself. . . then I realized that when I wanted something or more importantly when I needed something… no one was there.
I am currently 24, nearing 25 years old. In my quarter-century lifetime I have seen the extreme highs and lows that a human being can reach.
This is my rant, my stance on “Nice Guys” and their woes.
Women complain that they can’t seem to find a guy that treats them right. There are some that have had such terrible luck, that they have never allowed themselves to feel an emotion that’ll make them close… vulnerable. First of all I want to begin by agreeing with an opinion that was shared with me earlier. “The idea of assholes & nice guys is way to black and white. 99% of men fall into both categories” This is a viewpoint I can agree with. My disclaimer to this rant is that I know that everyone is capable of being both at some point, so when I talk about “The Nice Guy” and “The Asshole” I’m talking about the roles… not about specific people. Here is the most over simplified way to explain it. Have you ever seen the girl who is with a guy and she spends more time talking about how much of an idiot he is. Or about how much he doesn’t really understand her. She wants him, but more often than not she’s annoyed?
Or have you seen the relationship where the guy is just flat-out pricks all the time? It tends to work that although she is getting satisfied in some ways from her man, there is the friend on the side that is there to cater to what she isn’t getting from the man. “The Asshole” gets away with mistreatment because the “Nice Guy” is there to fill the void. That is the nice guy syndrome. A girl who will describe her perfect guy, (not realizing that she is describing him) will never truly end up with him, she will go through endless amounts of assholes that will hurt her, and the nice guy will keep picking up the pieces… until one day she realizes that the guy that was there for her the whole time, and cares for her, and knows exactly how to make her happy… was right in front of her the whole time. Of course by this time, he’s gone. Psychologically has already realized that she is never going to come around, or just watching what she puts herself through has made him view her differently.. it varies. But essentially, she comes around too late. The Nice Guy Syndrome. I.. Am NOT a nice guy. I am not pleading my case to a certain someone. That is NOT the purpose of this entry. Willoughboy’s status made me ponder about all this. There are a few more points I should type. I want to first express a difference. A Nice Guy is someone who will literally do anything for you.. however he will not do EVERYTHING for you. He is not a obedient little animal that you call on when you want something. Those guys are NOT the people I am referring to in this entry. A Nice Guy has no problem giving, helping, being there… but he will not be a butler. He’s not going to kneel in front of you and let you use him as a foot rest. Too many women desire the Bad Boy because when they imagine the Nice guy, they picture some submissive little shell of a person. If you are a woman reading this.. I want you to do me a huge favor, and it’ll do wonders in your understanding between pricks and men. Soft-Hearted does NOT Equal Weak. I don’t consider myself a nice guy, however I do know that right now if someone was to call me up and ask for something unless there was a damned good reason preventing me, I would do it. If it’s something that someone NEEDS then that’s again a huge priority and I will more than likely oblige. There is another aspect if this mindset I want to address. Because it is something that I’ve believed for a LONG time until last year. Girls say they want the nice guy, but they always end up with the asshole. The asshole that pretends to be the nice guy is always more effective at it then the nice guy himself.
This I believe to be true if you use the definition of a nice guy as being the weak-willed guy standing in the corner. The guy that waits around for his moment to be needed, but then cowers back into the corner when the crisis is over because he doesn’t know what to do.
The trick is.. if you believe that you are a nice guy, and you’re not a poser. Then when you are with the person you like, take her off the pedestal. Bring her psychologically down to your level. She may feel out of your league, but if you walk into the conversation with that mindset you will cower in fear at her awesomeness. It’s easy to praise up the girl you want to the point that makes her fearful to talk to.
Thankfully it is something I grew out of. But, It’s still a very real issue. The poser-asshole usually is a more successful nice guy then the nice guy himself because the poser is being a “nice guy” while at the same time understands his intentions of what he wants. He doesn’t have this girl held high above him.. he looks at her as a target.. as something to achieve. THAT is why they are so comfortable.
So you see it is the admiration of the girl you want, that actually plays a role into why you’ll never achieve anything with her. The best you can hope for is friendship.
Fortune favors the Bold. Don’t forget that.
Me personally as of late I’ve been given a bit of a lesson. In a situation where there are moderate feelings involved, the worse thing you can do is give up. Unless you are told flat-out, “NO it’ll never happen, Stop talking about it”… it can’t hurt to try now can it.
Just don’t turn all stalkerish and obsessive.. haha the only thing I can imagine that is more unattractive then cowardice, is desperation & obsession.
If you are reading this and you think you are a nice guy. First of all, get over yourself, you’re not. Okay, now that we have taken care of that. We can move on. If you have someone your interested in stop worrying about what is going to happen, and keep in mind that there are women that actually enjoy the chase just as much as the relationship.. so make sure you read between the lines.
Anyway, my story? Haha I have no story. I am a recovering asshole. That is my title. I once believed myself to be a pillar of the Nice Guy community, but after St. John’s and Candace I really can’t view myself in the regard anymore. So, I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing. We’ll see where I end up on this road that I’ve chosen.
Does there need to really be a debate about Nice Guys Finishing Last? Why can’t we all just treat everyone else the best we can and see what happens?
I Stick to my guns.. Nice Guys Do Finish Last, but they also finish best because they end up with the girls worth waiting for.
So.. The Moral?
If you want something… go for it.
If it fails, try again…
Nothing feels worse than wondering about all the what if’s in your life…
So don’t have any?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to bake a cake for someone who is very significant when it comes to this entry. Heh.