– I Love The Way You Lie –

Yes, the title of this entry is an Eminem featuring Rihanna song.  Bite me.

-Deception-
A necessary part of life eh?  Why though?  What is wrong with the idea of a world with 100% honesty? 
How do you justify a lie?  How does it feel when you know that someone has lied to you?  Good Or Bad?

It’s difficult to assess this, being human it is near impossible to give an accurate unbiased observation.  As a homosapian.. I have lied.  I lie. and I’m willing to stake my life that I will lie again.  It’s unavoidable.  Lying is as human as opposable thumbs.  It’s a sad thought though, because when you lie you deviate from fact, and when you deviate from fact you fabricate a new truth that you need to maintain in your mind else the lie becomes discovered and loses its effectiveness. 

Anyone that is reading this that has known me for the last 3 months, will see irony in this entry.  I had a girlfriend once upon a time, who didn’t lie. She told the truth, all times.  She refused to lie, even most white lies that everyone I have ever known would just recite in a heartbeat, was too dishonest for her.  It was a very respectful, sometimes annoying(haha), trait. 

3 Months ago I had a complete breakdown.  I wrote about it already on my facebook, so anyone that I care to inform of the details already know what I’m referring to.  The epiphany I had the next morning changed my life, and with this new outlook I have decided that the only thing I care about in this world when it comes to interpersonal relations is honesty.  The only thing someone can do wrong by me is lie to me.

Things have never been so clear since I abandoned all urge to lie about everything.  Funniest moment being Stacey Green asking me, “How does this shirt look”.  In reality the shirt was fine, but she was going out and wanted to look good, so she had a better outfit I was certain.  My response? “You’ve looked better.”  I can’t forget the look on her face when I said that, it was a mixture of laughter and anger all at the same time, but she went to her room, changed, and came back down in a shirt that made her look stunning.  Of course, the way she remembers it is simply, “I Can’t Believe You Said That” haha.

I got asked by Christopher Clarke last night why I would be mad if a certain friend of mine stayed with him. I could’ve quite easily just said, “I just feel better if she crashed with us since she’s coming with us.”  But that wasn’t the truth.  This friend asked me about him, and I told him exactly what I thought about his ability to be a boyfriend.  “Great drinkin buddy (Before he passes out sick), but I would never want to see a close female friend involved with him… because I’ve seen him in the situation.”  Whether he’s changed or not, I don’t know.  I really don’t care.  My opinions are based on my own observations and it won’t change unless we are in the same area at some point in our lives and I see him treating a girl like a person.

Needless to say, that caused a fair-length Texting Convo.  But I refuse to be deceitful anymore. 

My biggest regret in life is not speaking my mind.  I wanted Kelly to stay here and not move away, but I thought she’d be better off gone… Look how that turned out?  I never did show Danielle that I cared for her, and through my actions I actually turned her away,  I hid evening plans from Candace for a period of time to avoid a fight, not even realizing that the fact that I lie make her feel like she wasn’t important to me at all.

Relationship-wise especially, my lies are the touch of death, as I imagine it is for most couples.  I won’t let that happen again. 

You can get through this world without lying.  There’s never a justifiable reason to lie. Why do we do it Anyway? 

I just googled the some Reasons in no particular order – and I will debunk them all.

1.  To Avoid Punishment/Consequences – Isn’t it the first trait you gain when you start to mature. You have to answer for your actions.  If you are fearful of the punishment or consequences then you shouldn’t be doing to deed.  Lying to get out of trouble is NOT justifiable because these consequences are going to occur either way, lying will just amplify them when it is discovered.

2. To avoid confrontation and general unpleasantness of the situation. – If someone asks you to hang out and go for drinks.  You really do not want to go?  Tell them.  Do not say, “Oh sorry I have to study.”  or “I’m very tired, I’ll go next time.”  Statements like this should not be said.  No need for lines, just tell them.  “I don’t really enjoy doing that” 
Granted this doesn’t mean that you always just do whatever you want to do, there is still compromise.  I’m just saying that the times you do turn down, don’t lie about why.

3.  To Be Liked – Why? Lol This one is the flimsiest excuse… wait. Is Flimsy really a word?  Whatever.   Why lie to be liked?  Either it wont work and you wasted a lie for no reason, or it works and your liked, but it’s a lie you must keep living.  Let people like you for what you think and do, not what what you think they want you to say.

4. To Get Their Way.  – This one I understand is never going to stop.  Because as long as their are desire in this world, we will always want to get our own way.  I just implore that you don’t need deception to do it, in fact getting your own way will be that much sweeter if you do it legit.

5.  To protect privacy – this is the closest to true justification.  I am guilty of this one.  However, you can protect privacy without lying.  You just get more comfortable with the english language and you’ll discover that you can find your way out of violating privacy without lying… that way it doesn’t come back on you later.

6.To pump their image up – *coughernestsnookscough*  oops. sorry I caught a cold or something.  Yeah.  Lying to pump up your image.  No, I can’t see this justified.  In fact, if you pump your image based on lies, that image is destroyed beyond all repair when it comes out that you lie, because when you do accomplish something great, no one will believe you.  I have been guilty of this in the past as well though.. hence why I know this from experience.

Why Lie?

I’m not saying that I am 100% honest all the time, I just pose the hypothetical question of why can’t we be?  Why is lying such a necessity? 

Honesty is the best policy.  <– Such an old, cliched phrase.. and yet it fits.  Honesty is not always the easiest thing.. a lot of times it is the hardest thing… But it’s never the wrong thing.

Deviant Art Pictures:
A Beautiful Lie – Airy Elle
Deception Wallpaper – HellKnight10

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Fallen Hero Rising

“We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.” – Will Rogers


If you know me, then you know that I have a hero complex.  Well, at least my own defined hero complex.  There is no official diagnosis, and there has not been any studies into the condition, also if you Wikipedia it you will find a write-up about people who manufacture resolvable problems so they can swoop in to be the hero.  That is not the condition that I suffer from.
There are people who will say that I am not entirely accurate on this description of myself.  That I am only there for a select few… that I am not the “hero” that I try to make myself out to be.
I’ll be the firs to admit that I am far from a perfect person.  I can be a pretty terrible person at times actually.  Albeit there are times this judgement of me is not due to fact or an action of myself merely due to the fact that I keep telling people who I am a douche, but that’s not the point.

I have a Hero Complex, defined by myself as the inexplicable need to help.  I’ve been told on numerous occasions from varying people about how amazed they are that so many people turn to me when they have issues.  In later years this personality trait has gone a long way in defining who I am.  My role is the problem solver, or at least to an extent.  It gives me purpose.  I enjoy being able to say that people feel comfortable coming to me when they need help, and I don’t think it is unfair to say that usually I”m pretty successful in helping them take care of whatever is on their mind.

That being said, I get to thinking about people in general.  Self perception vs reputation.  See, I would like to believe that people see me as someone of worth that can be turned to in a jam.  The reality of it is though, some people can easily view things differently. 

I’m at a bar talking to a friend, who claims that they are a lot like me.  That everyone turns to them, and they have no one to turn to when they need to talk, meanwhile they have been ranting to me for 2 weeks about the boy troubles.  Just recalling this, I wonder… am I the same way.  Do I boast eternal patience, and yet completely neglect someone. 

How do you perceive me? 

he·ro
–noun, plural -roes; for 5 also -ros.  

1. a man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities.

 

This is how the dictionary defines a hero.
Once upon a time I would’ve agreed that I could be justifiably put into that category.  I do not believe so today.

The very same friend talked about in the “She’s Just A Woman”  post has made her mind.  For the first time in life I have completely given up on someone who I KNOW needs help.  I am a firm believer in “you can’t help someone if they refuse to help themselves,” but I’ve never just given up before. 

I just couldn’t keep it up.  She’s important to me and the way she talked was crushing my will and destroying me piece by piece… my last act of aid is to leave her to her issues and hopefully one day she’ll see that I was trying to look out for her.  She’s in for a rough time in the very near future. 

 24 hours later, it still shakes me to the core to think that I actually gave up, but looking back I can’t think of anything that I could’ve done differently.  Sure I could’ve dragged it out, but in the end it wouldn’t have prevented the outcome.  I hope she is doing okay, and that she finds the answers I couldn’t give her.  

 

So, what is it that drives a person to be the said “hero” that I keep referring too?  It’s not a simple question, and it’s near impossible to stay clear of false prophets in this analysis.  

There are those that actually do go out and cause problems and situations that they’ll be able to resolve just to get the recognition and glory of heroism.  It is these people that need to be watched, because sometimes this fantasy can be taken to extremes.  

The most dangerous is the nice-asshole.  The man who is an absolute abomination to mankind that will do or say anything to get his way.  You have problems, he has answers, but for a price.  Usually that price is your dignity and self-respect.  

I do what I do because it’s what I do.  I’m no heaven sent angel who was charged by the divination to fix everyones problems and be a role model to mankind or anything… but when I have friends that need someone, I am there.  As long as I am aware there is a problem, I find myself wedged trying to take care of it.  This motivation comes with no selfish intentions or hairbrained agendas.  I just legitimately hate seeing a friend hurt.  

I am tired though.  I really am tired.  I will reiterate one last time, I am a selfish person.  I do things sometimes without thinking them through simply out of greed, I have even done things out of malice.  I am NOT a perfect person, hell I wouldn’t even classify myself as a good person, it is through the pounding into my head of my peers that allows me to even entertain the idea that I am worth a damn.  

But, the people who have their entire worlds revolve around themselves.  That is the annoying side.  The people who talk about being there for everyone, but being trampled on, when if you really look at behaviour and actions, nothing could be further from the truth.  

Wake up call… stop.  look around.  think about everything you have done and said in the past 72 hours, and really look.  Then try to tell me that you’re so alone even though you’re there for everyone….


I consider myself to be back to normal.  Back to who I was supposed to be this entire time.  It’s been over a decade since I could say I felt this natural.  I am still the guy you all know, the guy that will be there when you need an anchor.  I’m back to being the guy that is a jack-of-all-trades when it comes to eliminating drama.  The slight difference, is that I refuse to revert back to a time before I had a backbone.  I like the fact that in recent years I have grown the ability to tell people to go “fuck themselves” when they get out of line. 

10 years ago, I was ever vigilant looking for catastrophes to deal with, but at the same time I could never stand up or say no to nearly anyone.  

Right now I feel better than I have in years, with the exception of the fact that this moment specifically I feel like a failure.  

 So…. In short?   – Reading this post back, I discovered that I actually just compared heroism to simply being a “Nice-Guy”  Meh… in this world I think it wouldn’t be unfair to say that they are one in the same.   

What do you think?  Are there any real Hero’s left in this world?

Deviant Art Pictures
The Dark Wonderer – Defiled Visions
Hero – Vablo
Fallen Hero – Kimoz